Transformers

Remember the mid-'80s cartoon show about two dueling groups of robots — the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons — with the power to transform into cars, jets, helicopters, motorcycles and such? Well, they're coming to the big screen in this live-action adaptation.

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE

There were many surprises in 2007. Transformers was one of those surprises. The last time Micheal Bay had a summer release, he bombed with 2004's The Island. Transformers didn't bomb. In fact, it launched a new franchise. I'll be shocked if we don't see a sequel by summer 2009. Who knew giant robots from outer-space could be so much fun. Jamie says "8".

Other films directed by Michael Bay and my grade

The Island 6

Bad Boys II 3

Pearl Harbor 4

Armageddon 8

The Rock 8

Bad Boys 7

Delta Farce

Three suburban losers (Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, DJ Qualls) kill some time over the weekend by shooting guns in the woods. Mistaken for Army Reservists, the trio is shanghaied by a tough-as-nails sergeant (Keith David), who ships them off to Iraq. However, the men mistakenly end up in Mexico and, confusing the area with Fallujah, help out the locals by engaging a bandit ringleader (Danny Trejo) in combat.

Like most of America, I've seen Larry the Cable Guy on Comedy Central and laughed at his red-neck humor. I've also listened to him on the Bob & Tom show weekday mornings while driving to work. He seems to be a talented stand-up comedian. However, a great actor he isn't. Worst yet, his stand-up routine doesn't translate well to the big screen. Delta Farce provided zero laughs...So Jamie says "0".

Richard Roeper: Top Ten of 2007

1. Michael Clayton

2. No Country For Old Men

3. The Lookout

4. Juno

5. American Gangster

6. Gone Baby Gone

7. Zodiac

8. Superbad

9. Once

10. Paris, Je T'aime

1408

Mike Enslin (John Cusack) is a guy who stubbornly refuses to believe in the paranormal. In fact, he's written two bestselling books debunking myths and rumored hauntings. His latest subject is a hotel room in New York City with a dark and infamous past. However, in his determination to prove that 1408 is not haunted, Enslin may just stumble into a real-life ghost story.

1408 delivers! This is one of the bigger surprises of 2007. John Cusack gives one of his better performances. Billed as a horror flick, 1408 is more suspenseful than gore-filled. The movie is simple...Cusack in a a hotel room with strange things going on around him. Jamie says "8".

Good Luck Chuck

Charlie (Dane Cook) is a single dude who doesn't have any trouble getting women — the problem is keeping them around. After getting intimate with every female he dates, they all eventually move on to find "Mr. Right," who never seems to be him. Once his reputation spreads as "Good Luck Chuck," every girl in the world tries to sleep with him, which isn't such a bad thing, until he thinks he finds his soul mate (Jessica Alba), who is the one person he can't go to bed with or he'll risk losing her forever to some other guy.

I've never seen Dane Cook's stand-up comedy act. I only know him as an actor. Last year's Employee of the Month got hammered by critics. I thought the movie was very funny and Dane gave a quality comedy performance as a slacker Costco employee trying to win the heart of a co-worker by becoming employee of the month. This performance combined with a supporting turn in 2005's Waiting made me anxious to see more of Dane Cook.

Ask, and I shall receive. Cook was in 3 films in 2007. I've seen 2 of them; Good Luck Chuck and Mr. Brooks. The 3rd was Dan In Real Life, which Cook was a supporting actor. The film received good reviews, however, I don't remember reading that Cook was the reason for the film's accolades. I gave Mr. Brooks a "3".

Simply stated, Good Luck Chuck wasn't funny. I don't know what the future holds for Cook. He may have the talent to be a big star. I hope he re-groups in 2008 and chooses better material in 2009. Good Luck Chuck gets a "2". It's difficult to give a lower rating to a movie that has Jessica Alba in it. She can't act, however, no actress looks better while giving an awful performance.

Roger Ebert: Top 10 Films of 2007

1. Juno
2. No Country For Old men
3. before the Devil Knows Your Dead
4. Atonement
5. The Kite Runner
6. Away From Her
7. Across the Universe
8. LaVie en Rose
9. The Great Debaters
10. Into the Wild

Balls of Fury

This hilarious, outrageous comedy of a secret society that takes its clandestine Ping-Pong tournaments very seriously. Former professional player (Dan Fogler) immerses himself in this underground group, and his great goal is to beat archival Feng (Christopher Walken), his father's killer.

Balls of Fury is an awful movie. It tries to copy the formula of Dodge Ball; take a children's activity and place an adult life and death aspect to it. Dodge ball was funny. Balls of Fury is lifeless and un-amusing. Jamie says "0".

Christopher Walken is a great character actor. In the past I've always given my readers a list of a performers 5 best film's. However, because Balls of Fury is so bad, I give you...

The 5 Worst Films of Christopher Walken.

1. The Stepford Wives

2. Balls of Fury

3. America's Sweethearts

4. Blast From the Past

5. Poolhall Junkies

Smokin' Aces

Buddy "Aces" Israel (Jeremy Piven) is a small-time Las Vegas magician who suddenly becomes very popular after ratting out his boss, who has ties to the mob, to the FBI. After the Feds shuttle Aces off to Lake Tahoe for safekeeping, an army of assassins swarms the tiny resort town looking to cash in on a prize hit.

Smokin' Aces was released in early 2007. Many have forgotten it, but I thought it was the first good film of the year. Although the stylish violence has been seen before, the film features several great performances by the likes of Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta and Alicia Keys (yes, the singer). Oh yeah, the film is funny to! Jamie says "8".

The best performance is given by Ryan Reynolds. Similar to Owen and Luke Wilson, Reynolds can make the most mundane dialogue funny. Check him out in Blade 3...he has some of the best one-liners I've ever heard.

Aces is directed by Joe Carnahan. He gained fame by directing 2002's low budget Narc, which also featured ray Liotta.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

This fake biopic follows Dewey Cox (John C. Reilly), who struggles to become a major recording star.

Finally, John C. Reilly gets to be the head-liner in a big Hollywood movie. He's been Hollywood's second fiddle more times than an actual second fiddle. Reilly does a good job playing the Dewey Cox character. The film has a kind of "Forrest Gump" quality in that Dewey meets several famous rock-stars during his journey to rock-n-roll fame.

The problem with Walk Hard is that it is too serious too often. The film works best when Cox is shown interacting with his pet monkey and conversing with his brother's ghost. When Cox is contemplating his life near the end of the film, it looses steam and misses the note that was set all through the film. Jamie says "6".

The Top 5 Films of John C. Reilly

1. Boogie Nights (The best film of 1997)

2. The Aviator

3. Doloris Claiborne

4. Hard Eight (One of the best film's you've never heard of)

5. Gangs of New York

SUPERBAD

Seth and Even (Jonah Hill, Michael Cera) are two high school best friends who are about to graduate and move on to two different colleges. For one final school blowout party, the pair of nerds try to buy alcohol to get some girls drunk who will then hopefully sleep with them.

Although SUPERBAD supplied more than its fair share of laughs, it will most likely make my year end award list as "Most Over-Rated Film of the Year". Critics loved SUPERBAD for its throw-back to the 80's style of teenage comedy romps. The laughs are plenty but the screenplay doesn't have enough power to hold the film's 2 hour length. Jamie says "6".

300

During the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fight to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army in an effort to inspire all of Greece to unite against their Persian enemy.

For those who passed on 300 thinking it was all special effects and nothing else...were dead wrong. Yes, the special effects were great but the screenplay was better. The themes of honor and loyalty play center stage in this action packed and bloody adventure film. 300 has a good chance at making my top 10 list of the year as well as being the most original film of 2007. Jamie says "8".

Bee Movie

Recent bee graduate Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) isn't thrilled at having just one option for a career, namely honey. After he befriends a human woman named Vanessa (Renée Zellweger) who saves his life, he finds out that humans eat lots of honey and decides to sue humanity for stealing from bees.

Bee Movie didn't work for me. Jerry Seinfeld is the greatest comedian of my generation and his comedy has always been somewhat family friendly. Because of this the marriage of computer animation and his irrelevant humor seemed to be a perfect fit. I expected lots of light-hearted jokes for the younger crowds and lots of inside jokes for their care-takers. The jokes were lame and unfunny. There are only so many bee related jokes and I'm confident all are featured in Bee Movie.

The movie really went down hill for me when the bee colony let humans know they could communicate. This was followed by an awkward relationship with the Seinfeld bee and an adult voiced by Zellweger. Should sexual tension exist in a feature cartoon meant for children? Jamie says "3".

BREACH

Eric O'Neill's (Ryan Phillippe) dream of becoming a big-time agent in the FBI is finally coming true; he's been promoted to work with renowned operative Robert Hanssen (Chris Cooper). But O'Neill soon realizes that he's supposed to spy on Hanssen — a suspected traitor within the organization.

Breach is a perfect example of less is more. Based on a true story, the film's producers could have added a car chase or a gun battle that would have turned it into a conventional spy thriller. Instead, they concentrated on the characters to supply the thrills and suspense. Phillippe and Cooper are both great in the lead roles. Breach was released in February of this year. If it would've been released around the award season, one or both of the leads may have had a chance of being nominated. Jamie says "8".

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

On the July 4th holiday, an attack on the vulnerable United States infrastructure begins to shut down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme has figured out every modern angle--but he never figured on an old-analog fly, John McClane, in the digital ointment. It’s the beginning of the holiday, but New York City Detective McClane isn’t celebrating. He’s had yet another argument with his college-age daughter Lucy, and received a crushingly routine assignment to bring in a young hacker, Matt Farrell, for questioning by the FBI. But for McClane, the ordinary has a habit of exploding into the extraordinary--abruptly hurtling him into the wrong place at the wrong time. With Farrell''s help, McClane slowly begins to understand the increasing chaos surrounding him. An attack is underway on the vulnerable United States infrastructure, shutting down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme, Thomas Gabriel, stays several moves ahead of McClane as he implements his incredible plans, known to uber-geeks like Farrell as a "fire sale" (as in, everything must go!).

Live Free or Die Hard is one of my favorite films of 2007. Like the previous 3 Die Hard flicks, Willis is great as John McClane. The action sequences are great...Even when he jumps onto a fighter jet from an exploding and collapsing freeway overpass. The movie is very fun and worked well as a summer release. Jamie says "8". The one disappointing aspect of the film was it PG-13 rating. They should have went for the R rating. Because of the PG-13 rating McClane couldn't say his signature line" Yippi-ki-A Mother$%@#er".

NEXT

Based on a short story by Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner, Minority Report), Cris Johnson (Nicolas Cage) can see into the future, an ability that makes him a target of the FBI , which wants him to help stop America's enemies before they strike. But what's more important to him: Saving his country or saving the love of his life?

My God...can it get any worse? I respect Cage's talent, but wtf is he thinking? He's an Oscar winner for God's sake! NEXT is an awful movie. Not only is it one of the ten worst films of the year...It's also one of the ten worst film's I've ever seen. Jamie says "0". Since 1990, Cage has averaged 2 movie releases a year. He is the hardest working actor of this generation. However, all of this work has gone to his head.

NEXT is directed by Lee Tamahori who gained fame with his first directoral effort Once Were Warriors...a very good flick. He also directed The Edge (Anthony Hopkins vs. The Grizzly) and Die Another Day, the Bond film that did in Pierce Brosnan.

The First TOP TEN List of 2007: Stephen King

Stephen King writes a monthly column for Entertainment Weekly called The Pop of King. He writes about all things pop culture. His writings are very entertaining. His list below is the first top ten list of the year.

10. In the Valley Elah (Haven't seen it yet...it received great reviews)
9. 28 Weeks Later (My grade:6...it deserved better)
8. The Lookout (My grade: 8...it has a good chance to make my top 10 list)
7. 3:10 To Yuma (It received great reviews...I found it boring... My grade: 6)
6. Little Children (This made my top 5 for 2006...rent this movie today!)
5. Children of Men (The best film of 2006 that no one seen...it made my list for 2006)
4. Breach (My grade: 8. It should make my list)
3. The Lives of Others (Haven't seen it yet...won the 2006 Oscar for best Foreign Film)
2. Gone Baby Gone (Haven't seen yet...Received good and great reviews)
1. No Country For Old Men (At press time...this is one of the 3 best films of 2007)

Rescue Dawn

Based on a true story, Dieter Dengler (Christian Bale) is a fighter pilot shot down during the Vietnam war. Taken hostage at a POW camp, Dengler arranges a masterful escape plan to get away from his sadistic captors.

2007 started out slow, but over the last month I've seen 5 flicks will will most likely make my TOP TEN list for the year. Rescue Dawn will be one of those 10. Bale is awesome as Dengler. Steve Zahn also gives a great supporting performance as a fellow captive. Jamie says "8".

Rescue Dawn is directed by Werner Herzog. He directed 2005's Grizzly Man, the documentary that taught us that crazy people shouldn't cohabitate with bears.

Christian Bale's Top Ten Films

1. Empire of the Sun

2. The Prestige

3. Rescue Dawn

4. American Psycho

5. Batman Begins

THE MIST

In this adaptation of the Stephen King novella, shoppers are trapped in a supermarket after it is enveloped in a strange mist filled with monstrous creatures. David Drayton (Thomas Jane) is just an unassuming artist, but when the terror hits, he rallies the other customers to defend themselves against the horrible beasts. Will these small-town folks be able to survive the assault and find out where that creepy mist came from anyway? Is it from the nearby military base?

The Mist was a pleasant surprise. What I thought was going to be a run of the mill horror flick turned into a commentary on group dynamics when said group is faced with an unknown crisis. What lurks in the mist? As ideas are presented by each member of the group and sides are chosen on how to defend themselves against the mist...Each person in the group begins to show their human flaws. Ultimately, those flaws become the means to their demise. The Mist is 2007's smartest horror flick. Jamie says "8".

The Mist is directed by Frank Darabont. This is not his first adaption of Stephen King material. Darabont also directed The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption.

Perfect Stranger

Desperate to solve the bizarre murder of a childhood friend, an undercover reporter (Halle Berry) creates several online aliases to lull the killer out of hiding. With her new identities in place, the nosy newswoman's Internet snooping leads her straight to the powerful CEO (Bruce Willis) of a major advertising agency.

Perfect Stranger might be the worst film of 2007. If it isn't, it's definitely in the team picture. Halle Berry is becoming a joke. Has an Oscar winning actress ever done less after winning the prestigious award? Although the plot is ridiculous, the film fails miserably because of Berry. Take away her performance in Monster's Ball, and I'm not convinced that she is a good actress. Jamie says "0".

James Foley directed this mess. Ironically, he directed 1992's Glengarry Glen Ross which is on my top ten list of all-time favorite films. Rent Glengarry today...you won't be disappointed.

Black Book

During WWII, Rachel Steinn (Carice van Houten) is a Jewish singer forced to flee her home. After a daring escape, she sets up a new identity for herself to avoid being captured and killed by the Germans. Rachel then quickly joins the resistance and infiltrates a Nazi stronghold. But when the underground's plans are betrayed by a traitor within its own ranks, Rachel becomes the number one suspect.

What do the movies Robocop, Total Recall, Showgirls, and Starship Troopers have in common with Black Book?...They are all directed by Paul Verhoeven. Is there another director with a more diverse catalogue of films? Black Book is based on a true story. I find this hard to believe because the protagonist escapes death more than James Bond. However, Black Book is a good flick. At over 2 hours it kept my interest. Jamie says "8"....it helped greatly that Carice von Houten had a certain quality that made it difficult not to pay attention.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) are allied with Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) in a desperate quest to free Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones Locker; meanwhile, the Flying Dutchman--under the control of the East India Trading Company--wreaks havoc across the Seven Seas.

We can only hope this will be the last of this tired franchise. Jamie says "4". Depp, Knightley, and Bloom sleepwalk through the entire film. A "4" may be too generous.

THE KINGDOM

FBI Special Agent Ronald Fleury (Jamie Foxx) assembles an eclectic team (Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, Jason Bateman) for a mission inside Saudi Arabia to find and capture a terrorist responsible for a deadly attack on Americans. However, the agents find themselves strangers in a very strange land until a native police captain takes them under his wing and helps them navigate the deadly streets of Riyadh.

The Kingdom suffers from identity crisis. The The first and second acts are drama and mystery where as the third act turns into an action packed version of CSI on steroids. Jamie says "6"...strong performances all around.

Jason Bateman...Comedy genius?

FRACTURE

The good news: The man (Anthony Hopkins) who killed his wife confesses instantly, seemingly making a young Assistant District Attorney's (Ryan Gosling) life much easier. The bad news: The arresting police officer (Billy Burke) was having an affair with the dead wife, which complicates matters a wee bit, especially since there's no evidence that the murderer even did the job.

Fracture isn't that different from a made for t.v. movie. The only difference is Fracture has 2 great lead actors where as a made for t.v. movie would have Tom Selleck and Matt Le Blanc opposite each other. Hopkins and Gosling are good at the cat and mouse game of trying to out-wit each other. The audience knows Gosling will beat Hopkins in the end, and that is where the movie falls short. The audience knows the end without knowing the end because we've seen it all before. Because of the 2 leads, Jamie says "6".

Anothony Hopkins Top 5 movies.

1. The Silence of the Lambs

2. Legends of the Fall

3. The Edge

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula

5. Proof

EASTERN PROMISES

Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen), who belongs to one of London's most feared organized crime families, meets a midwife (Naomi Watts) who unwittingly holds damaging information that could lead to unraveling the family's criminal network. Nikolai must make sure this doesn't happen without ruining the young woman's life.

Eastern Promises has one of the most unusual and memorable fight scenes in recent years. Come to think of it...its comparable to the Borat hotel wrestling scene. The fight in Eastern Promises is bloody and you get to see Viggo Mortensen naked instead of Borat.

If you can get by the thick (super think) Russian accents...Eastern Promises has some promise. Jamie says "7".

THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM

Still having no memory of who he really is or where he's from, superspy Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) goes on one last adventure to find himself … literally. With some help from his former co-conspirator, Nicky (Julia Stiles), Bourne must continue to evade CIA director Pamela Landy (Joan Allen) and spar with a mysterious figure from his past — the deadly Paz (Edgar Ramirez), who was trained in the same deadly secret program as Bourne.

Some critics complained The Bourne Ultimatum was simply a retread of The Bourne Supremacy. Who cares? When its predecessor was great...if it ain't broke, don't fix it. As long as the "Bourne" movies keep me on the edge of my seat like this one did...I hope the formula never changes. Jamie says "8".

Matt Damon's Top 5 Movies
1. The Talented Mr. Ripley
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. The Departed
4. The Bourne Identity
5. The Bourne Supremacy

AWAY FROM HER

A happily married couple, Grant (Gordon Pinsent) and Fiona (Julie Christie), face a crisis in their long marriage when Fiona is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and must go live in a nursing home. Separated for the first time in nearly 50 years, Fiona quickly develops a romantic attachment to a fellow patient (Michael Murphy), which a devastated Grant struggles to accept. The feature film screenwriting and directing debut of actress Sarah Polley (Dawn of the Dead).

When a film is described as "heartbreaking" I usually don't go see it. It's not that I'm against heartbreaking films. I'm simply not an emotional person. It takes a lot to get me teary eyed. In the past there have only been 2 films that brought tears to my eyes; Old Yeller and Terms of Endearment.

Now there's a third. Away From Her is an emotional weeper that is superbly acted and directed. Pinsent and Christie both deserve Oscar nominations as well as Sarah Polley. This film did not get a wide release earlier this year. Check out Away From Her this winter. You won't be disappointed. Jamie says "9".

30 Days of Night

In Barrow, Alaska, for a full month every winter, the sun never rises and the entire town is plunged into darkness. So, what better place for vampires to show up and go on a feeding frenzy? It's up to the town's sheriff (Josh Hartnettt) and his estranged wife (Melissa George) to hold back the forces of evil before all of the citizens are drained of their blood.

Why 30 Days of Night received bad reviews by professional critics is a mystery to me. Do they realize that going to a movie is supposed to be fun? Night is a fun, exciting, and suspenseful movie experience. The vampires are scary and the special effects are well done. Jamie says "7".

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN

Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) stumbles across a pickup truck surrounded by several corpses and filled with heroin and two million dollars in cash, which he promptly takes off with. However, attempting to retrieve the stolen booty are the proper owners of the drugs and money, who are none too pleased, including a psychotic killer (Javier Bardem) who judges people's lives with the flip of a coin.

Bardem's portrayal of Anton Chigurh is epic. If Hannibal Lector is the #1 villain of all time, Chigurh is 1A. Not since The Terminator has a killer killed with the emotion of a rock. He kills out of anger, he kills for revenge, and most upsetting he kills for simple convenience. Chigurh does all of this without flinching.

No Country For Old Men should be seen in the theater. It's desert landscapes and wide open spaces are translated to the audience much more convincingly than the best of any large television screens at home.

Like most Cohen brother's films, it has a quirky ending. In all of their other films the odd endings work well. In Country, the ending didn't work...That's why the film gets a "9" instead of a perfect score.

THE HOAX

Based on the controversial true story, Clifford Irving (Richard Gere) was a failed writer in the 1970s who couldn't sell a book to save his life. That is, until he claimed reclusive billionaire Howard Hughes dictated his life to him, which was, of course, a flat-out lie. As The Autobiography of Howard Hughes got published and became an instant hit, Irving had to continue to spin an increasingly convoluted web of lies to prove his book was authentic.

It's a shame The Hoax was not released nationally last Spring, because the public missed a great film. Gere's performance may be the best of his career. Alfred Molina, who plays Irving's assistant also does a great job. Gere and Molina both deserve an Oscar nomination. Jamie says "9".

Richard Gere's TOP FIVE Movies

1. Sommersby
2. The Hoax
3. Primal Fear
4. Internal Affairs
5. Chicago

REIGN OVER ME

After losing his wife and kids in the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Charlie (Adam Sandler) goes into a severe depression and retreats from the world. Luckily, he runs into his old college roommate, Alan (Don Cheadle), who feels sorry for his old friend and does his best to draw him back out.

This is Sandler's 3rd attempt to persuade movie goers that he is a serious actor. Although he did a good job in all 3 (Punch Drunk Love, Spanglish are the other 2 efforts) it's difficult to take him seriously when you remember him in previous roles chasing imaginary penguins and taking golf lessons from Apollo Creed. Don't get me wrong...I like Billy Madison just as much as the average college sophomore...I simply cringe when goofy actors try to tackle drama when they should know their audience prefers goofy over serious material.

Reign Over Me is a good film. You will like it more if you are unfamiliar with Sandler's past work. Jamie says "7".

In the Land of Women

Carter Webb (Adam Brody) gets dumped by the love of his life, Sophia (Elena Anaya), leaves Los Angeles, and escapes to suburban Michigan to care for his ailing grandmother. There, he befriends a single mom (Meg Ryan) and her two daughters (Kristen Stewart, Makenzie Vega) and gets caught up in their complicated family that make his own seem small and inconsequential.

Adam Broday looks like he's 19 years old. His character is in his mid to late 20's. Although this bothered me...What bothered me most was that his age was never brought up. Is it normal for a 20-something to be going through a mid-life crisis.

Meg Ryan has always been likable. I was glad to see her on screen after a 3 year hiatus.

The plot misses some key story points but it does supply some witty dialogue. Jamie says "6".

YEAR OF THE DOG

You wouldn't think that having your beloved dog pass away could be a good thing, but for Peggy (Molly Shannon), it is just the beginning of a series of positive events that change her life forever. The directing debut of screenwriter/actor Mike White (School of Rock, The Good Girl).

I'm looking forward to seeing Shannon in other dramatic/comedic roles such as this. She did a great job. Jamie says "8".

I Need to Make Some Ch-Ch-Changes: Part 3

I see way too many bad movies at the theater. Over the past month I've rented 5 films that I should have seen in a theater setting instead of blowing my cash and time on crap-fests such as Norbit, Ghost Rider, and Blades of Glory.


The following 5 films were released in 2006 and received a rating of "8". If you look at 2006 TOP TEN list dated March 6, 2007...changes have already been made.


PAN'S LABYRINTH...a scary tale. The only thing that stopped this film from being successful was the subtitles that American audiences will never accept. Labyrinth, more scary-tale than fairy-tail, follows the journey of a young girl into an imaginary world that helps her escape the wrath of her evil step-father.


LETTERS FROM IWO JIMO...better than its predecessor. Yikes! Another film with subtitles. When I first viewed Flags of Our Fathers over summer of 2006, I was very disappointed. Because of this I wasn't looking forward to seeing its companion piece Letters From Iwo Jimo. After watching on DVD, I wish I would have seen it in the theater. The story of Japanese soldiers was much more interesting than the "flag conspiracy" featured in Fathers.


THE GOOD SHEPARD...the guy has talent. Robert De Niro is my favorite actor...and maybe someday he will be my favorite director. Shepard is De Niro's second directorial effort about the beginnings of the C.I.A. Matt Damon plays the lead and does a great job. Maybe someday he will be my favorite actor.



THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS...Mr. Nice-Guy. Will Smith is a super-star who can play action, comedy, and drama. He does all 3 very well. However, he has 2 Oscar nominations...the first for Ali and the second for this film. Most of the "based on a true story" is probably b.s...it doesn't matter. Happyness (yes, purposely spelled w/ a "y") tells a great story of a man who was basically homeless and worked hard to make something of himself. I usually enjoy Will Smith films...he seems like a nice guy.



NOTES ON A SCANDAL...the talented Mrs. Riply. If you liked The Talented Mr. Riply, you will like this film. Scandal follows an evil lesbian teacher who gravitates to a younger teacher and causes lots of mischief...a great film!

BEWARE OF STRANGERS...and t.v. shows turned into movies

STRANGERS WITH CANDY

I remember watching ACE VENTERA: PET DETECTIVE and thinking that the movie blew , but respecting the performance of Jim Carry. I could tell he was working hard trying to polish the heaping turd pile that was the 2 ACE movies.

STRANGERS WITH CANDY is similar. The movie stinks but I enjoyed the performance of Amy Sedaris. She has a chance to be a big comedic star. Sedaris plays Jerry Blank a 40-something ex-hooker, ex-junkie, and ex-con who decides to go back to high school in hopes of resurrecting her father from a coma (yes, you read this correctly). While at Flatpoint High she joins the science team and flirts with the school jock. Sedaris is working hard and supplies more than few good to great one liners. The problem with the film is budget issues. The film looks like it was filmed in someones basement. Cheap looking sets and untalented young actors play the high school leads. This placed a major damper on the entire film.

STRANGERS is based on the cult television show of the same name that aired on Comedy Central 1999-2001. Although it received a little buzz, I never cared to watch it. However, I remember reading that Sedaris received some critical claim. Whatever praise she received, she deserved it.

STRANGERS is a strange trip. I give it a "4". If you liked the t.v. show, you may give it a higher grade. Remember the name Amy Sedaris.

THE SECOND TIME AROUND

KNOCKED UP

I don't have children. I don't want children. I don't envy people who have children. In a previous post I explain how I have a list which keeps track of reasons why I don't have children. Every item on the list deals with situations that deal with the child itself. For example: Reason #27 why I don't want children...Dirty diapers. Reason # 65 why I don't want children...I have a bad back, I don't want to carry a child while out of the house. While watching KNOCKED UP I realized that I can add at least 28 more reasons to the list that deal with the mother who I impregnated with my seed. For example: one more reason why not to have children...I don't want to hold my wife's hair back while she vomits in the toilet from morning sickness.

KNOCKED UP is similar to THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, both films were written and directed by Judd Apatow. VIRGIN had a lot of crass bathroom humor, however, it had a sweet love story that viewers could enjoy. If it ain't broke...don't fix it. The second time around is much the same. The screenplay supplies lots of drugged-out dialogue that I'm certain would be just as funny on a second viewing.

The plot revolves around a hot professional and the slacker slob who gets her pregnant after a wild night of boozing and dancing to 80's music. The opposites attract plot line is familiar, however the movie is very funny. Not as funny as VIRGIN, but it was still worth the price of admission. KNOCKED UP gets an "8".

CH-CH-CHANGES: Part 2

LITTLE CHILDREN


Not only do I have a change to the 10 best films of 2006...There is a change to the top 5 of 2006. LITTLE CHILDREN moves into the top 5. I made the change on the top 10 on a previous post. LITTLE CHILDREN staring Kate Winslet is similar to 2000's AMERICAN BEAUTY. Taking place in suburbia of any-town USA the movie follows a housewife, played by Winslet, in a lifeless marriage who plays a cat and mouse flirting game with a local stay at home dad. The film works on many levels; it's comical while being serious enough so almost anyone can relate to the real life situations presented in the film. LITTLE CHILDREN receives a "9".

Winslet was nominated for best actress for her role. It was her 5th nomination and 5th loss. She will be nominated again and will eventually win.

There is also a change to the ten worst list of 2006...LET"S GO TO PRISON was such a bad film that I'm not going to waste time explaining what the film is about or why it was so bad. I made the change on the ten worst of 2006 post.

Not Your Dad's Zombie Movie

28 WEEKS LATER

Four years ago 28 DAYS LATER redefined the zombie movie genre. In the history of horror films zombies have always been blood thirsty, mindless beings that can only be killed by cutting off their head or damaging their brain. In 28 DAYS LATER and 28 WEEKS LATER the zombies have these same qualities, however, there is one big difference. The zombies in these two films are fast! They run fast, they act fast, they eat people fast and they must be dealt with fast. In older zombie flicks such as DAWN OF THE DEAD and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD the zombies are slow. They see a victim and slowly move in for the kill. When watching these films I was never impressed with the heroes and heroins when they escaped the clutches of the slow zombies. It's not very impressive when one can "out walk" the being trying to eat you.

The zombies in the "28" films are fast because the human bodies that they inhibit came in contact with the "rage virus". The rage virus turns humans into zombies that can easily convert a human into a zombie by simply biting them or spitting blood on them. The rage virus destroyed London in the first film and converted the city into a ghost town. The second film takes place roughly 6 months...28 weeks later. The virus is contained and survivors are beginning to slowly return to London under the watchful eye of American troops who have been stationed to provide security for the deserted city.

The screenplay focuses on 2 children who return to the city to live with their father who survived the zombie attacks that took place 28 weeks earlier. The two children long for memories of their dead mother who was killed in the zombie attacks. They escape the secure area and make their way to their old home. While there they unwittingly set in motion a series of events that cause the "rage virus" to return. Soon they are running from zombies as well as American troops who are ordered to kill everyone and everything in attempt to keep the virus in check.

The viewer can't escape the political tone of these films. Bashing America has been the taste of the month in films that has lasted for about 10 years. The movie aims to bash the American troops in the film. I looked at them as heroes. personally I have no problem with troops killing people if it means saving the Earth and mankind. Much like the terrorists that American troops are fighting in Iraq and around the world...Zombies can't be dealt with. They need to be exterminated.

Both films get a "6" and are better viewed back to back...Instead of 4 years apart.

What a Tangled Web

SPIDER-MAN 3

The third edition of the Spider-Man trilogy made my "Top 10 Most Disappointing Films That I Couldn't Wait To See" list. Being that this list didn't exist before watching Spider-Man 3 (SP3), the movie belongs at the top of the list.

The action sequences in the 2 previous Spidey movies were awesome. Obviously CGI affects were used. For whatever reason in SP3 the action sequences seemed cartoonish. As a giant construction crane crashes into and through a sky-scrapper causing a damsel in distress to nearly fall 60 stories to her death before Spider-Man saves the day looked ridiculous.

The villains were weak and under developed. What made Sandman become a giant sand-monster one minute but the next minute he was regular size? The Venom villain didn't show up in the film until the last half hour. For the record...the word "venom" wasn't used in the movie. I assume the name "Venom" is explained in the comic book.

Kirsten Dunst's portrayal as Mary-Jane was annoying. Partial blame can be given to the screenplay. However, there's nothing worse that seeing a good looking or semi-good looking lead actress mope for nearly 2 and a half hours on screen. Dunst's performance made it to my "Top 10 Most Annoying Characters" list. Once again this list didn't exist before watching SP3.

The following is a list of the plot lines in SP3:

• Peter Parker's identity crisis
• Mary-Jane's jealousy
• The return of the Green Goblin
• Sandman
• Peter trying to figure out the perfect moment to propose to Mary-Jane
• A rival photographer trying to steel Peter's job at the news paper
• The rivals jealousy of Spider-Man
• Venom

There are way too many story lines. The film is nearly 2 and a half hours long. One villain would have been enough. Will there be a 4th installment? After #2 I couldn't wait to see #3. I could care less about a possible 4th installment. Spider-Man 3 receives a "5".

TOP 5 Tobey Maguire Movies

1. Spider-Man 2

2. Ride With the Devil

3. Spider-Man

4. The Ice Storm

5. The Cider House Rules

Propaganda at its Best

FAST FOOD NATION

Don't like being preached to? Avoid the super-sized soap box preaching of FAST FOOD NATION (FFN). FFN doesn't pull punches, the film screams its point loud and clear...MEAT BAD, VEGGIES GOOD.

Although I don't agree with the politics of FFN I actually appreciated its straight-forwardness. The meat packing industry is the film's main "bulls-eye". The film blames the industry for knowingly contaminating our burger meat with shit and taking advantage of illegal immigrants who are forced to work there. Why some illegals are happy with their jobs at the plant is never explained. They must be the stupid unenlightened illegals as apposed to the smart illegals who can't stomach the bloody act of butchering cows.

Through out the film the "kill room" is mentioned several times. It's mentioned as a warning to the audience..."Prepare yourself...at the end of the film we will show you the kill room and you won't like what you see". The end finally arrived and the kill room was shown. It was bloody, horribly bloody. Guts everywhere. Cow's skinless heads everywhere.

Was I surprised? No! Intelligent people do not have happy fuzzy illusions of the beef slaughter industry. However, don't let animal rights people fool you. If slaughter houses changed their policies and gave cows a magic sleeping pill which supplied bovines with happy dreams as they slept their way to a quite and bloodless death...do you think PETA would be happy? NO WAY! ANIMAL RIGHTS PEOPLE BAD...MEAT-EATERS GOOD. FAST FOOD NATION gets a "7".

My two favorite anti-animal rights bumper stickers:

SAVE A CIRCUS, TRAIN AN ACTIVIST
I LOVE CATS, THEY TASTE LIKE CHICKEN

Give Me 5

Below are quick reviews of the last 5 films I've seen.

GRINDHOUSE: Although it's a box-office bomb...I enjoyed this double feature. Grindhouse isn't for the meek. There is a scene that involves a car crash. It was the most graphic accident I've seen on film. Later that night, I couldn't sleep. 8

BLADES OF GLORY: I hated this movie. Will Ferrell's film career reminds me of a bungee cord. His films are up and down. Eventually if he continues to have stinkers like BLADES OF GLORY his fans loyalty will snap and his name and career will plummet into the Hollywood abyss. 1

PREMONITION: I like Sandra Bullock. Of all the well known American actresses she seems the most real. Premonition isn't the best film, but it does supply a few suspenseful moments. 6

DISTURBIA: A gen-x version of REAR WINDOW. Shia LaBeouf is going to be a big star. The movie supplies a good dose of chills and scares. Check it out. 7

300: If Americans had the moral fortitude, bravery, and sense of country that the Spartan soldiers have in 300...We wouldn't have the problems that we currently have. I enjoyed 300. 8

U2: THE JOSHUA TREE

Believe it or not, U2's "THE JOSHUA TREE" was released to the world 20 years ago this month. I've listened to THE JOSHUA TREE at least 1000 times. The album was #26 on Rolling Stone's all time greatest album list. The 25 albums before it are all rated 1 spot to high. THE JOSHUA TREE is the best album of all time. When was the last time you listened to it?

TOP TEN FILMS OF 2006

2006 was not a good year for movies. At post time I've viewed 83 movies released in 2006. The average score of those movies is a pathetic 4.9. 2006 is also the first year since 2003 that I didn't reward a perfect 10 to a movie.

Without further ado, I give you...

THE TOP TEN FILMS OF 2006

1. THE DEPARTED, Oscar gets it right...AGAIN! For the second year in a row the voting members of the Oscar Academy took my advice and awarded the Oscar for best film to my favorite film of the year. To see more details on this film check out my post from early November 06. One small note...Matt Damon, not Jack or Leo, gives the best performance in THE DEPARTED.

2. APOCALYPTO, By a Nose. Apocalypto is a great film. I pondered endlessly...THE DEPARTED? or APOCALYPTO for best film of the year. You know the answer to that question, however, please see this film. For more on APOCALYPTO, check out my post from last month.

3. LITTLE CHILDREN , see my post dates 5/31/2007

4. MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3, Seriously. I can not tell a lie, I loved Mission: Impossible 3. This franchise is interesting. Each addition to the series is better than the film that it follows. Tom Cruise is perfect as Ethan Hunt. Unfortunately, we probably won't see Cruise in the role again because the box office numbers weren't there...nearly 200 million...gee, Hollywood sure is fickle. Phillip Seymor Hoffman is very memorable as the nasty villain. I'm thinking of doing my own version of the Oscars next year. If I did it this year Hoffman would be nominated for best supporting actor. Mission: Impossible 3 is the best action and 3rd best film of the year.

5. NOTES ON A SCANDAL...see a short review on the post dated August 21, 2007.

6. ROCKY BALBOA, Knocked Out! Check out my post from December for more info on the most surprising great movie of 2006. BALBOA is the 6th film in the Rocky franchise. Other than using the word "surprised", I don't know another word to describe the fact that the 6th film in the Rocky franchise made me tear up 3 different times.

7. THE PRESTAGE, One of 2 Magician themed films of 2006. The Prestage was the smartest film of 2006. However, I don't think many people understood the ending. I say this because I've asked several people who have seen the film if they liked the ending. Most say no. When I explain to them my thoughts on the ending I find that they missed a key aspect of the finished product. I won't disclose the ending here. I will say this though...My lovely wife missed the secret of the ending also. See this movie and let me know what you think.

8. LETTERS FROM IWO JIMO...see short review on post dated August 21, 2007.

9. BORAT, Very Nice. I laughed, I cried, and then laughed again. BORAT, the funniest movie of the year, was smart and original. I've never covered my eyes in a comedy before seeing BORAT. In BORAT I covered my eyes more than a few times in horror at what I was laughing at.

10. SHERRYBABY, Top 9. This Top Ten list was almost a Top 9 list. Until watching SHERRYBABY last week my list was one short. Like I said before, 2006 was not a good movie year. SHERRYBABY stars Maggie Gyllenhaal as a woman just released from prison after serving time for breaking several drug laws. She is attempted to get her life back together which includes getting back into her daughters life. Gyllenhaal is great and deserved to get an Oscar nomination.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

CHILDREN OF MEN, A Bleak Future. What I liked most about CHILDREN OF MEN was that it was very fare in its depiction of the not so distant future. Usually movies like this show the government as a reason for societies breakdown; the government can never be trusted. CHILDREN OF MEN is different. Yes, the government is not perfect, but the liberal groups that are fighting the government can't be trusted either. CHILDREN OF MEN tells the story of a generation without hope...and children. Wow! Sounds like a dream world. However, we all know without children, Humankind ceases to exist. However, there is hope. A young black woman becomes impregnated. The fight is on to control the woman as a propaganda tool. Check out this film that was released at the end of the year and was ignored by audiences and the Oscar Academy.


THE LAKE HOUSE, Actually...I'm a Softy. My wife tells me often that I have no heart. How can someone without a heart have a movie like THE LAKE HOUSE on his Top Ten list? When I'm asked what my favorite genre of movies is I always reply with..."Good ones!" THE LAKE HOUSE is a chick flick and proof that chick flicks can be smart and well made.

MONSTER HOUSE, Cars Who? Most critics thought CARS and HAPPY FEET were the best animated films of the year. They were wrong. MONSTER HOUSE is funny and reminded me of being a kid. Some people are scary, but sometimes the houses they live in are scarier. Maggie Gyllenhaal, of SHERRYBABY, voices the baby-sitter. Gyllenhaal is the only actor to be featured in two movies on this list.

PAN'S LABYRINTH...see short review on post dated August 21, 2007.

THE GOOD SHEPARD...see short review on post dated August 21, 2007

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS...see short review on post dated August 21, 2007

THE TEN WORST OF 2006

In a resent post I noted theater movies are far more creative, have better screen-plays, and features better acting performances than television. After I wrote that I started to retract my thinking.

Over the past 4 years my trips to the theater have decreased 10-15 times each year. The reasons for this are numerous. The main reason is I hate actors. The more they open their mouths about politics and the sham that is global-warming the more I despise them and their work. If I dislike an actor...why would I go to their films? Like I've said before..."Just entertain me and entertain me often." The second reason is that my love affair with my bicycle has grown leaps and bounds over the past 5 years. I'd much rather spend a sunny afternoon on my bicycle than viewing actors that I dislike.

...A third reason presenting itself in 2006...There are some excellent television shows. The C.S.I franchise provides original story-lines and great acting each week...and with all of the re-runs on 'Spike" and "A&E" one could watch a C.S.I episode everyday of the week.

Another great show is WITHOUT A TRACE. Again, original screenplays and superior acting make it must see t.v. And lets not forget American Idol. Last year was my rookie season as a viewer of the most popular program on television. I was shocked at how easy it was to get sucked into caring for the performers. This year, its lacking an emotional energy...but I've still only missed a few episodes.

All of this television viewing contributes to the decline in my trips to the theater.

The television shows above can be watched for free each week. The movies below I invested drive time the price of a movie ticket. After watching these disasters I felt used and betrayed. What is happening to my favorite medium of entertainment?

THE TOP TEN WORST MOVIES OF 2006

1. THE BLACK DAHLIA: WTF? This movie was a complete mess and is not only the worst movie of 2006 but also the most disappointing movie of 2006. THE BLACK DAHLIA (TBD)was an event movie for me....One that I placed its release date on my calender months beforehand. TBD is based on the true life murder of a two-bit actress that was found slain with some of her organs removed. Her body was found cut in half in a field in Los Angeles. Her murderer was never found. TBD, directed by Brian De Palma, presents a theory of the why and who murdered the young wanna-be actress. The film is difficult to follow and I couldn't wait for the end. The film featured a good cast. Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart were good as the cops looking for the killer and Scarlett Johannon id always good to look at. However, the worst casting of the year also goes to TBD. Hilary Swank plays a sex-pot nympho. The part is awkward and difficult to watch. Skip this movie!

2. FIREWALL: Weak Bad Guys. Firewall was released in February of 2006. I thought for sure it would be the worst film of the year. Although the above movie proved me wrong, FIREWALL isn't much better. Thank God Harrison Ford is making another Indiana Jones flick. He needs a box office hit. The bad guys in FIREWALL kidnap the wife and two children of Ford, whose character is head of security of a large bank. To ensure the safety of his family he is forced to help the bad guys rob the bank. The bad guys are weak. I've never seen a film where the bad guys make so many threats that they never cash in on. In the film they keep yelling at the family dog to stop barking. They do this while holding guns that could easily win the war in Iraq. Why not kill the dog? The main bad guy is played by Paul Bettany...a great choice to play a bad guy. He was wasted in this crap-fest. For the record...Harrison Ford is looking very old.

3. STAY ALIVE: Remember? I dought if you can remember this film from March of 2006. Nerdy "gamers" discover a video game that when you "die" in the game, you "die in real life. If only the screen-writer would have died in a hideous car accident on his way to delivering his script to the big-wigs at the movie studio.

4. THE WICKER MAN: The Hardest Working Man in Show-Business is at it Again. Nicholas Cage plays a policeman who travels to a remote island of the coast of Washington to help find the daughter of his ex-girlfriend. His ex belongs to a cult. The film is unintentionally hilarious. The cult acts and dresses like those idiots at any Renaissance Fair we've all attended. The ending is very predictable.

5. THE BENCH-WARMERS: Sandler's Rejects. Adult nerds take on a team of little leaguers. The Bench-Warmers features the usual "Sandler Rejects", Rob Schneider and David Spade who are usually in bit-parts in Adam Sandler films. Billed as a comedy, BW supplies ZERO laughs.

6. THE MARINE: Stick with Wrestling. The Marine stars John Cena who when not providing horrible acting performances in movies like The Marine...provides horrible acting skills as a professional wrestler. A no-name wrestler in an action flick?...Maybe this should have been the 3rd worst movie of the year.

7. NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: Boring...Like Most Museums. Has a movie that banked nearly 300 million at the box office been this bad? NO!

8. BASIC INSTINCT 2: Pay-Day. Sharon Stone received big bucks for starring and appearing naked in the 8th worst film of the year. Although it was somewhat fun watching the actors muddle through the awful script, it wasn't worth the time and effort. Several people walked out of the theater when I went to see it.

9. SLITHER: Let's Go to Camp. I love campy films that don't apologize for having a "B" quality. However, campy movies only work if the screenplay is smart and somewhat funny. Slither was more concerned with "grossing out" the audience. The film didn't even do that well.

10. PULSE: Life on Marrs. Kristen Bell did not have a good year. Not only did PULSE bomb big-time at the box office, her semi-successful television show "Veronica Marrs" received awful reviews and over-all viewer ship went down. Obliviously they didn't want to see Ms. Bell on the big screen either.

Dis-Honorable Mentions

Underworld 2: Evolution...Enough with the cool vampire flicks.
School For Scoundrels...Jon Heder also starred in The Bench-Warmers. Heder is 0 for 2 for 06.
Turistas...See post from a couple months ago.
A Scanner Darkly...Creative?...Yes. Boring?...Definitely!
Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny...Very disappointing for a Jack Black movie.
Nacho Libre...Like Heder, Black was 0for 2 in 06.
Let's Go To Prison...funny concept, poorly done.

Will He?...Or Won't He?

BLOOD DIAMOND

BLOOD DIAMOND (BD) is actually a much simpler movie than its makers want you to believe. It comes down to 2 simple questions...Will He?...Or Won't He? The He in question is Danny Archer, an South African mercenary played by Leonardo DiCaprio. Archer discovers that an African man, played by Djimon Hounsou, may posses a diamond of unimaginable wealth. The African man's son has been kidnapped by rebels who are forcing him to fight their war against the government. The diamond is the answer to his son's freedom. The diamond is also the answer to Archer leaving the dark continent to greener pastures. The two form an alliance to retrieve the diamond and split its wealth. Archer is a sleaze ball. Can he be trusted? Will he honor the agreement or take the diamond and leave his partner high and dry? Is there any question? The film shows many scenes of genocide and horror. Africa is not a nice place. However, I've seen it all before in much better films. Because of this the film lacks any emotional punch from the heartache shown on screen. BD gets a "7". The film is well shot by Edward Zwick. He does a good job supplying the audience with a few suspenseful moments. Leo is nominated for best actor for his role as Archer...He has a good chance of winning.

The film would like you to believe that the evil West is responsible for the horrors behind the diamond trade in Africa. Does anyone really believe that if it wasn't for diamonds the Sierra Leone would be a war-less place inhabited by shiny happy people? I think not. Bleeding hearts will see it the other way.

Original Sacrafice

APOCALYPTO

Sometimes a movie comes along that is so original that I almost want to scream when I scan box office numbers to find that people are not going to the theater to see it. APOCALYPTO is that movie of 2006. There are two obvious reasons for the lacking dollar signs at the box office.

The first was Mel Gibson's drunkin' racial tirade. Everyone has bad days. Unfortunately for Mel, some have worse days than others. Also, the media doesn't care when an average joe has a bad day. There's no story at 11 when I go on a profanity ridden tirade when the little girl my wife is babysitting removes my cherished U2 CDs from their cases and uses them as Lincoln logs to build a tent for her doll.

The second was no one could name an actor in the movie. Personally, I think this is a good thing. If directors were honest I bet they would love to work with ego-less thespians who don't complain about the screenplay or complain that their favorite food isn't on the catering menu. The creative process must move so smoothly when not having to deal with agents and the entourages of the actors.

APOCALYPTO is the story of Jaguar Paw. After his tribe is slaughtered by a rival tribe he is taken prisoner to a Mayan temple to be sacrificed to the Sun God. Jaguar Paw escapes and races through the rain forest in hopes to find his pregnant wife and child safe and sound. Hot on his trail is a hunting group that has a score to settle. The film is one big chase...maybe the best chase movie ever made. APOCALYPTO gets a "9". Rent this movie as soon as it arrives on DVD.

...However, be warned...APOCALYPTO is a bloody, violent, and intense film. Its "R" rating is there for a reason. It's bloodier and more violent than any so called intense horror film of the past decade. You've been warned.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

ALPHA DOG

The American Dream used to be study hard at school and college, work hard at your profession to make a descent living, and then retire. Today it's a little different. The younger generation of today wants to get rich quick without really trying by any means necessary. Look at all of the reality television shows...people with no talent and prospects hope to make it big...quickly.

ALPHA DOG is supposedly based on a true story about a bunch of trouble maker drug dealing kids who get into a bad situation that results in murder. So much for the American dream. The short of the plot is this: A small time drug dealer owes another drug dealer money. When the debt isn't paid. The younger brother of the drug dealer is held ransom by the other drug dealer until the debt is paid. While being kidnapped the younger brother becomes friends with his captors and begins to enjoy the partying life-style drug dealers enjoy . Like I stated above, all of the people involved are teenagers...they are all idiots.

Although not a perfect film it does have its moments. The film will be remembered for the acting debut of Justin Timberlake. The critics panned his performance...I thought it was OK. ALPHA DOG gets a "7".

Remember this name...Emile Hirsch. He is a great young actor who no one knows about. He has been around for a few years. Acting wise, he was the lone bright spot in ALPHA DOG. Check out the following films that show off his talents:

LORDS OF DOGTOWN...See my review from October 2005.

THE EMPEROR'S CLUB...A very under-appreciated film starring Kevin Kline.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR...A fun teenager movie that was panned. Professional critics need to lighten up a bit.

SHE WAS RIGHT

NORBIT

When I first saw the trailer for NORBIT starring Eddie Murphy last November, I placed opening day on my calender. Each weekend when I went to the theater I laughed more than the previous week at the NORBIT trailer. With my wife sitting next to me as I laughed, she would turn her head and would say "Feel free to see that one without me". I replied with "no problem"...I thought she was crazy. How could this movie go wrong. I had visions of THE NUTTY PROFESSOR. NORBIT seemed to be on par with that comedy masterpiece where Murphy portrayed several characters.

Opening day arrived and I was first in line to purchase my ticket...and first to be disappointed. Less than 10 minutes into the film I was bored. As joke after joke fell flat my thoughts turned to my wife. I was going to have to admit to her that she was right. NORBIT gets a "2".

Eddie Murphy's first movie role in 1982's 48 HOURS. Since then movies.com has credited him with 36 film appearances. As I scanned through the list I only found 5 that I rated higher than an "8". I give you Eddie Murphy's top 5 films.

EDDIE MURPHY'S TOP 5 MOVIES
1. 48 Hours
2. Beverly Hills Cop
3. The Nutty Professor
4. Coming To America
5. Trading Places

Hannibal: Anti-Hero

HANNIBAL RISING

Hannibal Lecter is not only one of the best film villains of this generation, Hannibal Lecter has almost become one of the best characters in film history. Beginning in 1986 with MANHUNTER, the Lecter character has thrilled and surprised audiences with his cunning ability to control and out-wit the smartest and brightest of law enforcement. Oh yeah, he also has the most famous appetite of any movie character since...no one.

The world first came to know Hannibal in 1990's SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. Who doesn't like this film? Anthony Hopkins was so strong in his portrayal of the madman that he turned a part that had just under 20 minutes of screen time into an Oscar win for best actor in a leading role. However, something happened to the series in 2000's HANNIBAL. In the film Lecter becomes an avenging angel, the ultimate anti-hero saving his beloved Clarice from her publicity hungry FBI boss. In the end, the FBI boss didn't have the brains needed to out-wit Lecter. The film was average at best. Watching Hannibal control the plot from behind bars was much more fun than watching him control and create chaos from outside of his jail cell.

HANNIBAL RISING (HR) is much the same. The film makers of HR tells the story that they think movie audiences want to know...How did Hannibal end up being a cannibal? The film begins in the midst of WWII in Romania. To escape approaching Nazis young Hannibal, his little sister, and parents leave Lecter castle to a hunting lodge in a forest. Eventually they are found. After their parents are killed Young Hannibal and his little sister are held captive in the lodge by a band of Nazi sympathizers. With U.S forces vastly approaching they are unable to leave the lodge in fear of capture. Time passes as food and drink run out. Starving and desperate the Nazis turn to young Hannibal's sister to quiet the rumblings in their empty bellies...they cook her flesh and boil her bones in a stew...they eat her.

HANNIBAL RISING is a revenge film. Hannibal survives the war and escapes an orphanage to Paris and finds shelter with a long lost relative. He attends medical school but never forgets the haunting memories of the lodge in the forest. He wants revenge and he vows that the Nazis will pay with their lives. When Hannibal finds the group still together and still up to no good the film almost turns into a horror flick. Hannibal tortures each member of the group, picking them off one by one. It's easy to dislike Nazis, the audience doesn't need them to eat humans to make them more unlikeable. The director doesn't need to hit us over the head with a frying pan to convince us that we want Hannibal to win...And are we in any doubt that he won't?

The film is well shot and kept my interest through-out. I was waiting for a better ending but it never arrived, but over-all HR is a good film. I guess comparing it to Silence of the Lambs is unfair. Silence is the fillet minon of movies, Hannibal Rising is a really good hamburger. I give it a "7".

There have been 5 Hannibal films. Below I rate them from 1-5.

1. The Silence of the Lambs

2. Manhunter

3. Red Dragon

4. Hannibal Rising

5. Hannibal

MADE FOR T.V.

THE GUARDIAN

How do predictable movies ever make it to the big screen? Predictable movies belong on Lifetime where the viewer doesn't expect much in the realm of awe-inspiring dialogue and great acting. The Guardian tells the familiar yarn of a young cocky coast guard swimmer wanna-be, played by Ashton Kutcher, trying to survive basic training while attempting to impress his hard-ass drill Sergent, played by Kevin Costner...Has anyone heard of AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMEN?

It's not that the acting is horrible...It's the story. We've seen this all before. While the beginning credits rolled I told my wife "we already know what's gonna happen in this movie....the training will be tough, the teacher and student will butt heads, they'll eventually bond, save some people and someone will die". My clairvoyant abilities didn't fail me...I was right on the money.

THE GUARDIAN is not awful...It's just not great. I give it a "5".

Kevin Costner has been around for a while. He is a great actor who has been in his share of great movies as well as flops. Movies.com credits Costner with 36 movies. I gave 11 of those movies a rating of 8 or higher. Below are my top 5 Costner flicks.

1. JFK
2. The Untouchables
3. Open Range
4. No Way Out
5. Dances With Wolves