STOP LAUGHING...I'M AN ADULT!

JACKASS: NUMBER 2

The same people who won't go see JACKASS: NUMBER 2 are some of the same people who enjoy email forwards that contain video of idiot skateboarders smashing their privates on staircase railings. The only difference between the email forwards and JACKASS is that the idiots in JACKASS are adults. Yes, JACKASS contains adult language, grown men shoving objects up their asses, and lots and lots of vomit and feces...All this aside, we've seen all of the crazy sophomoric stunts and gags hundreds of times on the internet and on television. One could say that JACKASS is the adult version America's Funniest Home Videos.

Johnny Knoxville, the ring-leader of the Jackass gang, may have a career in Hollywood that involves more than just shoving items up his buddies asses or shaving their testicles. Over the past few years he has had supporting roles in MEN IN BLACK 2 and WALKING TALL. In 2005 he co-stared in the forgettable DUKES OF HAZARD and did well carrying THE RINGER. As long as he sticks to comedy we will be seeing him for at least 5-6 more years.

JACKASS: NUMBER 2 is funny...its gets a "7". I laughed out loud several times...Granted, I was slowly shaking my head in disgust and ashamed for laughing...But laughing I was...Along with the rest of 15-18 years olds I was sharing the theater with. A few of the most memorable stunts involved a gang member getting a penis branded on his ass, 2 gang members wrestling a giant python, a gag involving a fake terrorist attack, and one applying leaches to his eyeball. Most of the comedy came from the aftermath of the stunts. I love seeing people get hurt...As long as they live...I find it hilarious. While watching I was brought back to my childhood. On a weekend at an amusement in Des Moines IA, my mother, while getting out of a roller-coaster, tripped and fell flat on her face. I laughed and laughed. I've never heard the end of it.

I consider myself a mature adult. I was somewhat ashamed with myself for enjoying JACKASS. In a previous post I mentioned there are 3 sure fire comedy makers: midgets, monkeys, and monkeys playing with feces. JACKASS: NUMBER 2 has one of those and lots of part of another. On its opening weekend, it was the #1 movie in America. I'm confident many more were ashamed than just me.

A LITTLE MORE DEPP WILL DO YA

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Dead Man's Chest (DMC), the follow up to 2003's The Curse of the Black Pearl (CBP), (I never understood that title...Wasn't the treasure cursed?...Not the Black Pearl) which grossed over $300 million, is just as bland as its predecessor, if not more bland. I found CBP to be an odd phenomenon. Critics, as well as the masses had mixed feelings on the over all film. However, all argued that Johnny Depp was classic as Captain Jack Sparrow. Depp's performance is one of the best I've seen. So, although I didn't care for CBP, I was looking forward to seeing Dead Man's Chest.

SURPRISED AND DISAPPOINTED...TOO LESS OF A GOOD THING.

Dead Man's Chest fails because of one thing: Why does Captain Jack Sparrow have so little screen time in the Pirates sequel? Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are both hot young stars who tried to carry the film. I assume the studio thought all 3 stars needed to share screen time. Hollywood would produce better movies if egos were not involved.

Dead Man's Chest gets a "4". The film has other issues besides the lack of screen time of Depp such as poor special affects. The giant squid looked like a giant fake squid. The non-ending, which sets up the third installment, introduces a character that we all know...FYI, its not Keith Richards.

Movies.com credits Johnny Depp with over 35 films and television appearances. Below is the "Depp Top 5".

1. Ed Wood: 1994 had more great movies than any year since. Ed Wood was one of the best.
2. Edward Scissorhands: An underrated performance by Depp.
3. Sleepy Hollow: Depp was perfect as the cowardly Craine.
4. Don Juan de Marco: It got panned by credits...They were wrong.
5. Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: 1,2,3, & 5...All directed by Tim Burton.

Acceptable

ACCEPTED (2006)
Directed by Steve Pink...First directing gig.
Starring...Justin Long: Best movies to date: Galaxy Quest and Jeepers Creepers.

Accepted tells the wacky story of "B" who after getting rejection letters from several colleges decides to open his own college. By using tuition money his parents give him, he does a quick remodel of a closed mental institution and names it South Harmon Institute of Technology (If you're smart you will get why the name of the college is an on-going joke through-out the movie...If you don't get it...I'm sure you received several rejection letters from institutions of higher learning from all over the United States). The situation is complicated when about 300 of societies rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables all get "accepted" into the fake college due to a computer glitch. What begins as a way to fool his parents and slack turns into a life lesson. The lesson that I learned is that rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables are neglected by society because they are worthless. They are better off forming a fake school so they can feel neglected together. There's power in numbers. "B" learns that um...Actually, I don't know what he learns.

ACCEPTED is an acceptable comedy. Justin Long has a good career ahead of him as long as he continues to learn from the Vince Vaughn school of acting which trains its students to become smart-asses. Movie goers love smart-asses.

ACCEPTED gets a "6". There are too few laugh out loud moments...But several moments that made me grin.

sssSSSNORE!

Snakes On A Plane (SOP) had a brilliant marketing campaign. The producers knew they had a pig on their hands so how could they place a fancy dress on it? The answer?...Revel is the movie's potential badness. This trick only works when its done by accident. A movie is so bad that it's good. The audience laughs at the awful dialogue and winces with delight at the horrible acting. SHOWGIRLS is a perfect example of this. To this day I still believe SHOWGIRLS is one of the most under-rated movies of all time.

The problem with SOP is that it's so bad it's simply...BAD. The premise becomes boring less than half way through the film. We get to see a snake attack a couple during their initiation into the mile high club. We get to see a snake attack a guy using the john. We get to see a snake slither up an old woman's dress. After this, there is a bunch of screaming and standing around. Why? Because how much action can their be on a airplane full of snakes...Surprisingly not much. If the film would have stuck to terror and suspense instead of trying to be funny the film may have worked. Snakes On A Plane gets a "3".

TOP 5 SAMUEL L. JACKSON MOVIES
1. Pulp Fiction
2. Unbreakable
3. The Long Kiss Goodnight
4. Deep Blue Sea
5. 187