ROCKY BALBOA
The Rocky franchise became a joke in the early 90's. Rocky V: Go For It is on my top 10 worst movie list of all time. When I was reading my bible (Entertainment Weekly) earlier this year I was surprised to find that Sylvester Stallone was filming the 6th and final round of the Rocky franchise. Why would he do such a thing? Besides having lots of time on his hands (when was the last time Sly was in a movie?) I can only come up with a line from the movie itself..."I still got some stuff in the basement".
ROCKY BALBOA (RB) is a really good movie. Actually, I can't think of another film that has surprised me so much. RB opens with Rocky visiting his late wife's grave. Three times during the film I had a tear in my eye...this was the first. We learn Rocky has opened a small eatery called Adrian's. Although he seems content running the restaurant and telling old boxing stories to his clientele the look on his punished face says everything..."this isn't what I want to do". Age has told him that boxing is in his past. His gut is telling him differently. An exhibition fight is arranged with Rocky and the current champ Mason "The Line" Dixon. I liked that the screenplay didn't portray Dixon as a villain. He's portrayed as a great fighter who is so good that when he fights the bouts last only a round or two. Big deal right? In the early 90's I paid for every "pay per view" there was. Nothing was more frustrating when the fight only lasted one round or when one of the boxers tried to bite his opponents ear off. The boxing fans in Rocky are frustrated. They want to see great competition...will Rocky deliver?
I will refrain from spoiling the ending. All I can say is at this point ROCKY BALBOA is currently the most memorable film of 2006. I give it an "8".
Top 5 Sylvester Stallone films.
1. Rocky
2. First Blood
3. Cliffhanger
4. Rocky Balboa
5. Demolition Man
Friday, December 22, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
TURISTAS
TURISTAS is a horror film about a spring vacation like holiday in Rio that goes horribly wrong. The film is filled with great looking scenery...lots of young hotties in skimpy bikinis...Oh yeah, the rain forest looks good to. My expectations were low going into this film. I knew it was a horror flick that took place in Rio during a vacation but I didn't know anything else about it. Usually with horror films you know something about the villain. For example, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre...We know the baddie probably has a rusty chainsaw that he uses to introduce his victims to the afterlife. In TURISTAS, the premise involves a surgeon who kidnaps tourists, sedates them, and steals their vital organs to give to the economically depressed people of Brazil. Because health care is not a large concern in Brazil the surgeon and his staff don't bother sewing up their organ-less patients. Their bodies are discarded with the other medical waste involved in the operation.
During the opening credits I was surprised when I saw the name of John Stockwell under the directors title. Although he has never won or deserved an Oscar or even a nomination he has had a few decent credits to his name which include "Blue Crush", "crazy/beautiful", and last years "Deep Blue". All of these were rated 6 or 7 by myself and received mixed to good reviews by professional couch potatoes (movie reviewers). Also, all three of these films involved the ocean in some way shape or form. I like when a director leaves his comfort zone, especially when they abandon a comfortable zone such young twenty-something relationship movies to young twenty-something horror flicks.
STOCKWELL LOVES WATER
...But sometimes leaving your comfort zone can become uncomfortable. Although TURISTAS leaves the familiar "relationship fare" Stockwell is accustomed to...he can't leave water behind. Most of TURISTAS takes place in an underwater cave/cavern system that the good guys use to hide from the bad guys. The problem with this is that caves and caverns are dark...very dark. I had a difficult time figuring what the hell was going on...the lighting was terrible. Half the time I couldn't tell if the bad guys were hiding waiting until the good guys would come closer or if I was seeing the good guys hiding waiting for the bad goes to get further away.
Horror movies are supposed to be scary, not confusing. "TURISTAS" gets a "2".
FYI...TURISTAS stars Josh Duhamel from televisions Las Vegas. He will also be in TRANSFORMERS, which will be released summer 2007.
During the opening credits I was surprised when I saw the name of John Stockwell under the directors title. Although he has never won or deserved an Oscar or even a nomination he has had a few decent credits to his name which include "Blue Crush", "crazy/beautiful", and last years "Deep Blue". All of these were rated 6 or 7 by myself and received mixed to good reviews by professional couch potatoes (movie reviewers). Also, all three of these films involved the ocean in some way shape or form. I like when a director leaves his comfort zone, especially when they abandon a comfortable zone such young twenty-something relationship movies to young twenty-something horror flicks.
STOCKWELL LOVES WATER
...But sometimes leaving your comfort zone can become uncomfortable. Although TURISTAS leaves the familiar "relationship fare" Stockwell is accustomed to...he can't leave water behind. Most of TURISTAS takes place in an underwater cave/cavern system that the good guys use to hide from the bad guys. The problem with this is that caves and caverns are dark...very dark. I had a difficult time figuring what the hell was going on...the lighting was terrible. Half the time I couldn't tell if the bad guys were hiding waiting until the good guys would come closer or if I was seeing the good guys hiding waiting for the bad goes to get further away.
Horror movies are supposed to be scary, not confusing. "TURISTAS" gets a "2".
FYI...TURISTAS stars Josh Duhamel from televisions Las Vegas. He will also be in TRANSFORMERS, which will be released summer 2007.
Monday, November 13, 2006
STILL RECOVERING
STRANGER THAN FICTION
Roger Ebert is an icon. One would be hard pressed to find an American who doesn't know who he is or what he does. Ebert has my dream job and quit possibly possesses the most famous thumb in the world.
Ebert has been ill as of late. He has received cancer treatments over the past 5 months and is due back to his balcony seat on Ebert & Roeper shortly after the new year. However, he recently wrote his first movie review in 5 months. Click here to read his review on STRANGER THAN FICTION (STF).
Ebert's writing skills have always been top-notch...2 thumbs up! I disagree with his opinions often, but I always enjoy his columns. He gave STRANGER THAN FICTION three and one half stars...That's a half star away from a perfect film. Obviously, Ebert is still recovering from his cancer treatments and is heavily medicated, because STF is not a half star away from a perfect movie. Actually, it's 4 points away from a great movie...I give it a "6". Have you heard of a one joke movie? STRANGER THAN FICTION is a one concept movie. Once the concept is presented to the audience I quickly realized that this advertised plot twist wasn't going to improve the film as it progressed.
Harold Crick, played by Will Ferrell, is an IRS agent who lives a mundane life. He seems to enjoy the sameness of his days until he begins to hear a narrator describe his life as it happens as if his life is a book. He hears the narrator as he brushes his teeth. He hears the narrator when he walks to the bus stop. He hears the narrator when at work. It isn't until he actually "hears" his life being told to him that he realizes he isn't living life to its fullest. Eventually, the narrator officially becomes a nuisance when her voice gives Harold's life a plot twist...His death is near.
Crick doesn't want to die. He begins to realize how he has wasted his life and decides to try to change the "plot" of his life. He learns to play the guitar and flirts with a bakery owner he's auditing. The other half of the film involves the narrator, who actually exists, played by Emma Thompson. She has writers block and can't think of a way to kill off Harold Crick. Harold confronts her. So the question is does Emma finish the book by killing Click off, or does she make the plot a romantic comedy with Harold and the baker living happily ever after? See the movie for yourself for the answer.
The problem I had with the film is that STF is billed as a comedy. STF isn't funny. STF is a good drama with many light-hearted moments...Light hearted moments are no substitute for hilarity. When I see a Will Ferrell movie I want to see him running around in his underpants making a fool of himself like he did in Talladega Nights (7). In OLD SCHOOL (7) he played Frank "The Tank" and will always be remembered as the lone streaker.
Ferrell wants to be acknowledged as a serious actor. That sounds like a work of fiction.
Roger Ebert is an icon. One would be hard pressed to find an American who doesn't know who he is or what he does. Ebert has my dream job and quit possibly possesses the most famous thumb in the world.
Ebert has been ill as of late. He has received cancer treatments over the past 5 months and is due back to his balcony seat on Ebert & Roeper shortly after the new year. However, he recently wrote his first movie review in 5 months. Click here to read his review on STRANGER THAN FICTION (STF).
Ebert's writing skills have always been top-notch...2 thumbs up! I disagree with his opinions often, but I always enjoy his columns. He gave STRANGER THAN FICTION three and one half stars...That's a half star away from a perfect film. Obviously, Ebert is still recovering from his cancer treatments and is heavily medicated, because STF is not a half star away from a perfect movie. Actually, it's 4 points away from a great movie...I give it a "6". Have you heard of a one joke movie? STRANGER THAN FICTION is a one concept movie. Once the concept is presented to the audience I quickly realized that this advertised plot twist wasn't going to improve the film as it progressed.
Harold Crick, played by Will Ferrell, is an IRS agent who lives a mundane life. He seems to enjoy the sameness of his days until he begins to hear a narrator describe his life as it happens as if his life is a book. He hears the narrator as he brushes his teeth. He hears the narrator when he walks to the bus stop. He hears the narrator when at work. It isn't until he actually "hears" his life being told to him that he realizes he isn't living life to its fullest. Eventually, the narrator officially becomes a nuisance when her voice gives Harold's life a plot twist...His death is near.
Crick doesn't want to die. He begins to realize how he has wasted his life and decides to try to change the "plot" of his life. He learns to play the guitar and flirts with a bakery owner he's auditing. The other half of the film involves the narrator, who actually exists, played by Emma Thompson. She has writers block and can't think of a way to kill off Harold Crick. Harold confronts her. So the question is does Emma finish the book by killing Click off, or does she make the plot a romantic comedy with Harold and the baker living happily ever after? See the movie for yourself for the answer.
The problem I had with the film is that STF is billed as a comedy. STF isn't funny. STF is a good drama with many light-hearted moments...Light hearted moments are no substitute for hilarity. When I see a Will Ferrell movie I want to see him running around in his underpants making a fool of himself like he did in Talladega Nights (7). In OLD SCHOOL (7) he played Frank "The Tank" and will always be remembered as the lone streaker.
Ferrell wants to be acknowledged as a serious actor. That sounds like a work of fiction.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
THE DEPARTED
2006 has not been a good year for films. Up until last month Mission: Impossible 3 was the only movie that I graded an 8 or higher. Although it received mixed reviews, M:I3 had lots of great action and an epic villain portrayal by Phillip Semour Hoffman. Summer was a major drag. Superman Returns?...I think not. The X-Men had the best showing but I couldn't call it a "can't miss summer flick".
...But there is always hope. Last year when Hollywood announced the ultimate acting trifecta of the legend Jack Nicholson, and the under-rated great actors of Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio agreed to team up in "The Departed" helmed by America's greatest living director Martin Scorsese...it was difficult not to get excited.
THE DEPARTED is a great film. Its not Scorsese's best mob flick but he does do a lot with a simple screenplay. THE DEPARTED is an example of a plot that seems complicated at first but in actuality is much simpler than it appears. Scorsese takes the simplicity and turns it into an operatic masterpiece. Scorsese gets the most out of his actors. Its almost as if he is off camera with a gun in one hand and a shovel in the other silently warning his thespians to "act like you mean it or you will be sleeping with the fishes".
The weakest part of THE DEPARTED is that it takes place in Boston with the Irish mob. Scorsese is best when sticking with his roots. If New York would have been the backdrop of this mob tale and the actors would have spoke with Italian accents, the film would have received a perfect 10. THE DEPARTED gets a "9".
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...Let's hope Scorsese earns an Oscar when for best director...it's about time he is awarded his professions top prize.
2006 has not been a good year for films. Up until last month Mission: Impossible 3 was the only movie that I graded an 8 or higher. Although it received mixed reviews, M:I3 had lots of great action and an epic villain portrayal by Phillip Semour Hoffman. Summer was a major drag. Superman Returns?...I think not. The X-Men had the best showing but I couldn't call it a "can't miss summer flick".
...But there is always hope. Last year when Hollywood announced the ultimate acting trifecta of the legend Jack Nicholson, and the under-rated great actors of Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio agreed to team up in "The Departed" helmed by America's greatest living director Martin Scorsese...it was difficult not to get excited.
THE DEPARTED is a great film. Its not Scorsese's best mob flick but he does do a lot with a simple screenplay. THE DEPARTED is an example of a plot that seems complicated at first but in actuality is much simpler than it appears. Scorsese takes the simplicity and turns it into an operatic masterpiece. Scorsese gets the most out of his actors. Its almost as if he is off camera with a gun in one hand and a shovel in the other silently warning his thespians to "act like you mean it or you will be sleeping with the fishes".
The weakest part of THE DEPARTED is that it takes place in Boston with the Irish mob. Scorsese is best when sticking with his roots. If New York would have been the backdrop of this mob tale and the actors would have spoke with Italian accents, the film would have received a perfect 10. THE DEPARTED gets a "9".
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...Let's hope Scorsese earns an Oscar when for best director...it's about time he is awarded his professions top prize.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
TOP 10 High School Movies
Recently, Entertainment Weekly counted down the top 50 high school movies of all time. Before looking at the list I quickly jotted down my top 10 and a few honorable mentions. I was surprised to find that only one of my top 10 was not on the list. I thought for sure a few of mine wouldn't be considered "high school" movies. Without further ado...THE TOP 10 HIGH SCHOOL MOVIES of all time.
1. Clueless: Alicia Silverstone where are you?
2. Risky Business: Not quite the mega-star yet, Tom Cruise showed off his acting skills as a would-be pimp.
3. Grease: One of 2 guilty pleasures on the list. Who hasn't stopped flipping through the channels when this is on television?
4. Back To the Future: Hollywood simply doesn't make films like this anymore. Who doesn't like this film?
5. Scream: Best horror film of the 90's?
6. Breakfast Club: This was Entertainment Weekly's #1. When I was younger I thought it was great, but then I grew up. Its good, but as relevant as in the mid-80s.
7. Ferris Bueller's Day Off: I didn't like this film when it was first released. It has grown on me over the years.
8. Bring It On: The 2nd guilty pleasure on the list. I never thought a cheereleading movie could be funny. Who knew a cheereleading movie could be entertaining?
9. Weird Science: Haven't seen it in over 10 years. All I remember is watching it with my neighborhood friends over and over again...countless times. Bill Paxton is hilarious as the evil older brother "Chet".
10. 3 O'clock High: The only movie on my list that wasn't on EW's list. Haven't seen it in over 15 years. I remember it being funny and an accurate portrayal of a high schooler scared shitless about getting beat up by the school bully.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Heathers: I read they are making a sequel...bad idea.
Election: Politics are even more dirtier in high school than in Washington
Say Anything: Great soundtrack...good movie.
Meangirls: Over time this may crack the top 10.
Friday Night Lights: Best football movie ever made.
1. Clueless: Alicia Silverstone where are you?
2. Risky Business: Not quite the mega-star yet, Tom Cruise showed off his acting skills as a would-be pimp.
3. Grease: One of 2 guilty pleasures on the list. Who hasn't stopped flipping through the channels when this is on television?
4. Back To the Future: Hollywood simply doesn't make films like this anymore. Who doesn't like this film?
5. Scream: Best horror film of the 90's?
6. Breakfast Club: This was Entertainment Weekly's #1. When I was younger I thought it was great, but then I grew up. Its good, but as relevant as in the mid-80s.
7. Ferris Bueller's Day Off: I didn't like this film when it was first released. It has grown on me over the years.
8. Bring It On: The 2nd guilty pleasure on the list. I never thought a cheereleading movie could be funny. Who knew a cheereleading movie could be entertaining?
9. Weird Science: Haven't seen it in over 10 years. All I remember is watching it with my neighborhood friends over and over again...countless times. Bill Paxton is hilarious as the evil older brother "Chet".
10. 3 O'clock High: The only movie on my list that wasn't on EW's list. Haven't seen it in over 15 years. I remember it being funny and an accurate portrayal of a high schooler scared shitless about getting beat up by the school bully.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Heathers: I read they are making a sequel...bad idea.
Election: Politics are even more dirtier in high school than in Washington
Say Anything: Great soundtrack...good movie.
Meangirls: Over time this may crack the top 10.
Friday Night Lights: Best football movie ever made.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
THE AVERAGE AMERICAN FAMILY
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
I realize no one wants to see a movie about an average American family. Who wants to watch a woman pick up her children at daycare and thaw a frozen meal for her family? Who wants to watch a man sitting in front of a television with his pants unbuttoned and picking lint out of his naval? Who wants to watch 2 or 3 ungrateful kids playing video games and calling their mom and dad by their first names?...NO ONE. However, maybe, just maybe people might want to watch a family like above going through a crisis such as a grandparent's death or a move to another state because the father lost his job. There are nearly hundreds of possible realistic story-lines that could be used to make an average American family interesting.
The following is an example of how Hollywood views the average American family.
The father: A struggling motivational speaker whose "9 step plan" couldn't motivate a starving Etheopian to take a bite out of a big-mac.
The grandfather: Living in his son's basement and is a drug addict.
The uncle: A suicidal homosexual college professor in love with a student.
The son: Has not spoken in over 900 days to show dedication to his dream of becoming an airforce pilot.
The daughter: A chubby 9 year-old with large glasses who dreams of participating in a beauty pageant.
The mother: She views all of the above as being normal.
Believe it or not the above family exists in the movie LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (LMS). LMS tells the unbelievable story of a FUBAR family that attempts to travel from Albuquerque NM to San Diego CA so their daughter can participate in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. In addition to the description of the family above there are other incredible circumstances in the film such as: 1) They are making a trip in an old VW van that can only be started by hand pushing it until it gets to 15 mph. 2) The grandfather is the daughter's pageant coach and dies on the way to the contest of a drug over-dose. 3) The token homosexual, (is it possible for an indy film NOT to have a homosexual featured in it?) in one of the biggest coincidences in movie history, meets the student he is in love w/ and a rival professor who said student is dating at a remote gas station between Albuquerque and san Diego. 4) When at the pageant the little girl, as her talent, does a striptease along with all of the weird family doing the same on stage.
The problem with the above storyline and descriptions of the family is that the film makers act as if this is a normal family experiencing normal situations. For example, when watching a film such as VACATION the audience knows not to take the the crazy series of events the Griswold family experiences to seriously. When Aunt Edna croaks and the family attaches her to the roof of the car...We know a family wouldn't actually do that. In SUNSHINE, when the grandfather dies of an overdose, the family steals his body from a hospital and stuffs the stiff in the back of their van. The film-makers are pompous and takes the audiences intelligence for granted. The Aunt Edna roof scenes are funny. The over-dosed grandfather scene isn't funny...It's as if they movie is saying..."Wouldn't you and your family do the same"? No, we wouldn't, I belong to an average American family. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE gets a "2".
Thursday, September 28, 2006
STOP LAUGHING...I'M AN ADULT!
JACKASS: NUMBER 2
The same people who won't go see JACKASS: NUMBER 2 are some of the same people who enjoy email forwards that contain video of idiot skateboarders smashing their privates on staircase railings. The only difference between the email forwards and JACKASS is that the idiots in JACKASS are adults. Yes, JACKASS contains adult language, grown men shoving objects up their asses, and lots and lots of vomit and feces...All this aside, we've seen all of the crazy sophomoric stunts and gags hundreds of times on the internet and on television. One could say that JACKASS is the adult version America's Funniest Home Videos.
The same people who won't go see JACKASS: NUMBER 2 are some of the same people who enjoy email forwards that contain video of idiot skateboarders smashing their privates on staircase railings. The only difference between the email forwards and JACKASS is that the idiots in JACKASS are adults. Yes, JACKASS contains adult language, grown men shoving objects up their asses, and lots and lots of vomit and feces...All this aside, we've seen all of the crazy sophomoric stunts and gags hundreds of times on the internet and on television. One could say that JACKASS is the adult version America's Funniest Home Videos.
Johnny Knoxville, the ring-leader of the Jackass gang, may have a career in Hollywood that involves more than just shoving items up his buddies asses or shaving their testicles. Over the past few years he has had supporting roles in MEN IN BLACK 2 and WALKING TALL. In 2005 he co-stared in the forgettable DUKES OF HAZARD and did well carrying THE RINGER. As long as he sticks to comedy we will be seeing him for at least 5-6 more years.
JACKASS: NUMB
ER 2 is funny...its gets a "7". I laughed out loud several times...Granted, I was slowly shaking my head in disgust and ashamed for laughing...But laughing I was...Along with the rest of 15-18 years olds I was sharing the theater with. A few of the most memorable stunts involved a gang member getting a penis branded on his ass, 2 gang members wrestling a giant python, a gag involving a fake terrorist attack, and one applying leaches to his eyeball. Most of the comedy came from the aftermath of the stunts. I love seeing people get hurt...As long as they live...I find it hilarious. While watching I was brought back to my childhood. On a weekend at an amusement in Des Moines IA, my mother, while getting out of a roller-coaster, tripped 
and fell flat on her face. I laughed and laughed. I've never heard the end of it.
I consider myself a mature adult. I was somewhat ashamed with myself for enjoying JACKASS. In a previous post I mentioned there are 3 sure fire comedy makers: midgets, monkeys, and monkeys playing with feces. JACKASS: NUMBER 2 has one of those and lots of part of another. On its opening weekend, it was the #1 movie in America. I'm confident many more were ashamed than just me.
Friday, September 22, 2006
A LITTLE MORE DEPP WILL DO YA
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Dead Man's Chest (DMC), the follow up to 2003's The Curse of the Black Pearl (CBP), (I never understood that title...Wasn't the treasure cursed?...Not the Black Pearl) which grossed over $300 million, is just as bland as its predecessor, if not more bland. I found CBP to be an odd phenomenon. Critics, as well as the masses had mixed feelings on the over all film. However, all argued that Johnny Depp was classic as Captain Jack Sparrow. Depp's performance is one of the best I've seen. So, although I didn't care for CBP, I was looking forward to seeing Dead Man's Chest.
SURPRISED AND DISAPPOINTED...TOO LESS OF A GOOD THING.
Dead Man's Chest fails because of one thing: Why does Captain Jack Sparrow have so little screen time in the Pirates sequel? Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are both hot young stars who tried to carry the film. I assume the studio thought all 3 stars needed to share screen time. Hollywood would produce better movies if egos were not involved.
Dead Man's Chest gets a "4". The film has other issues besides the lack of screen time of Depp such as poor special affects. The giant squid looked like a giant fake squid. The non-ending, which sets up the third installment, introduces a character that we all know...FYI, its not Keith Richards.
Movies.com credits Johnny Depp with over 35 films and television appearances. Below is the "Depp Top 5".
1. Ed Wood: 1994 had more great movies than any year since. Ed Wood was one of the best.
2. Edward Scissorhands: An underrated performance by Depp.
3. Sleepy Hollow: Depp was perfect as the cowardly Craine.
4. Don Juan de Marco: It got panned by credits...They were wrong.
5. Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: 1,2,3, & 5...All directed by Tim Burton.
Dead Man's Chest (DMC), the follow up to 2003's The Curse of the Black Pearl (CBP), (I never understood that title...Wasn't the treasure cursed?...Not the Black Pearl) which grossed over $300 million, is just as bland as its predecessor, if not more bland. I found CBP to be an odd phenomenon. Critics, as well as the masses had mixed feelings on the over all film. However, all argued that Johnny Depp was classic as Captain Jack Sparrow. Depp's performance is one of the best I've seen. So, although I didn't care for CBP, I was looking forward to seeing Dead Man's Chest.
SURPRISED AND DISAPPOINTED...TOO LESS OF A GOOD THING.
Dead Man's Chest fails because of one thing: Why does Captain Jack Sparrow have so little screen time in the Pirates sequel? Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley are both hot young stars who tried to carry the film. I assume the studio thought all 3 stars needed to share screen time. Hollywood would produce better movies if egos were not involved.
Dead Man's Chest gets a "4". The film has other issues besides the lack of screen time of Depp such as poor special affects. The giant squid looked like a giant fake squid. The non-ending, which sets up the third installment, introduces a character that we all know...FYI, its not Keith Richards.
Movies.com credits Johnny Depp with over 35 films and television appearances. Below is the "Depp Top 5".
1. Ed Wood: 1994 had more great movies than any year since. Ed Wood was one of the best.
2. Edward Scissorhands: An underrated performance by Depp.
3. Sleepy Hollow: Depp was perfect as the cowardly Craine.
4. Don Juan de Marco: It got panned by credits...They were wrong.
5. Charlie & the Chocolate Factory: 1,2,3, & 5...All directed by Tim Burton.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Acceptable
ACCEPTED (2006)
Directed by Steve Pink...First directing gig.
Starring...Justin Long: Best movies to date: Galaxy Quest and Jeepers Creepers.
Accepted tells the wacky story of "B" who after getting rejection letters from several colleges decides to open his own college. By using tuition money his parents give him, he does a quick remodel of a closed mental institution and names it South Harmon Institute of Technology (If you're smart you will get why the name of the college is an on-going joke through-out the movie...If you don't get it...I'm sure you received several rejection letters from institutions of higher learning from all over the United States). The situation is complicated when about 300 of societies rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables all get "accepted" into the fake college due to a computer glitch. What begins as a way to fool his parents and slack turns into a life lesson. The lesson that I learned is that rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables are neglected by society because they are worthless. They are better off forming a fake school so they can feel neglected together. There's power in numbers. "B" learns that um...Actually, I don't know what he learns.
ACCEPTED is an acceptable comedy. Justin Long has a good career ahead of him as long as he continues to learn from the Vince Vaughn school of acting which trains its students to become smart-asses. Movie goers love smart-asses.
ACCEPTED gets a "6". There are too few laugh out loud moments...But several moments that made me grin.
Directed by Steve Pink...First directing gig.
Starring...Justin Long: Best movies to date: Galaxy Quest and Jeepers Creepers.
Accepted tells the wacky story of "B" who after getting rejection letters from several colleges decides to open his own college. By using tuition money his parents give him, he does a quick remodel of a closed mental institution and names it South Harmon Institute of Technology (If you're smart you will get why the name of the college is an on-going joke through-out the movie...If you don't get it...I'm sure you received several rejection letters from institutions of higher learning from all over the United States). The situation is complicated when about 300 of societies rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables all get "accepted" into the fake college due to a computer glitch. What begins as a way to fool his parents and slack turns into a life lesson. The lesson that I learned is that rejects, nerds, dorks, and unwantables are neglected by society because they are worthless. They are better off forming a fake school so they can feel neglected together. There's power in numbers. "B" learns that um...Actually, I don't know what he learns.
ACCEPTED is an acceptable comedy. Justin Long has a good career ahead of him as long as he continues to learn from the Vince Vaughn school of acting which trains its students to become smart-asses. Movie goers love smart-asses.
ACCEPTED gets a "6". There are too few laugh out loud moments...But several moments that made me grin.
Monday, September 11, 2006
sssSSSNORE!
Snakes On A Plane (SOP) had a brilliant marketing campaign. The producers knew they had a pig on their hands so how could they place a fancy dress on it? The answer?...Revel is the movie's potential badness. This trick only works when its done by accident. A movie is so bad that it's good. The audience laughs at the awful dialogue and winces with delight at the horrible acting. SHOWGIRLS is a perfect example of this. To this day I still believe SHOWGIRLS is one of the most under-rated movies of all time.
The problem with SOP is that it's so bad it's simply...BAD. The premise becomes boring less than half way through the film. We get to see a snake attack a couple during their initiation into the mile high club. We get to see a snake attack a guy using the john. We get to see a snake slither up an old woman's dress. After this, there is a bunch of screaming and standing around. Why? Because how much action can their be on a airplane full of snakes...Surprisingly not much. If the film would have stuck to terror and suspense instead of trying to be funny the film may have worked. Snakes On A Plane gets a "3".
TOP 5 SAMUEL L. JACKSON MOVIES
1. Pulp Fiction
2. Unbreakable
3. The Long Kiss Goodnight
4. Deep Blue Sea
5. 187
The problem with SOP is that it's so bad it's simply...BAD. The premise becomes boring less than half way through the film. We get to see a snake attack a couple during their initiation into the mile high club. We get to see a snake attack a guy using the john. We get to see a snake slither up an old woman's dress. After this, there is a bunch of screaming and standing around. Why? Because how much action can their be on a airplane full of snakes...Surprisingly not much. If the film would have stuck to terror and suspense instead of trying to be funny the film may have worked. Snakes On A Plane gets a "3".
TOP 5 SAMUEL L. JACKSON MOVIES
1. Pulp Fiction
2. Unbreakable
3. The Long Kiss Goodnight
4. Deep Blue Sea
5. 187
Thursday, August 03, 2006
X-MEN vs. SUPERMAN
I'm not big on super-hero movies. Being a grounded 30-something, I prefer my movie entertainment to be based in reality instead of a movie whose main audience is unemployed computer geeks that live in their parent's basement...Or under a bridge. Having said this...I've enjoyed the X-MEN Trilogy. I gave each if the first 2 installments a "7". Last year I watched "United" for a second time...It deserved an "8". LAST STAND holds form with the first 2...It's a good flick.
The X-Men characters are interesting...No matter if they are heroes or villains. It helps that the main (most popular) X-Men are played by great performers. Hugh Jackman is perfect playing Wolverine. Could anyone else make those animalistic sideburns look so cool? And lets not forget Halle Berry. Any film that requires her to wear a skin-tight rubber suite..'Nough said (for the record...best looking woman is a skin tight rubber suite belongs to Micheele Pffeiffer in BATMAN RETURNS).
X-MEN: THE LAST STAND gets a "7". The end action sequence was a little much. When Magneto used his magnetic power to "lift" the Golden Gate Bridge and connected it to Alcatraz Island...All I could do was shake me head as I made a mental note to subtract "1" point from the film's final score. However, the arm to arm combat between the good and bad mutants after the bridge incident is pretty cool.
Currently, the X-Men franchise is the best super-hero trilogy. Unfortunately the mutants will be upset next summer when the Spider-Man franchise take's over the number one spot.
Now let's discuss SUPERMAN RETURNS. Lets get the grade out of the way...SUPERMAN RETURNS gets a "3". The jet sequence was great and well shot. If you were afraid of flying before seeing the SR, seeing the jet fall to Earth in flames won't help matters. In real life you won't be able to count on a good looking man in red tights with super-human strength fly to your rescue and gently set the injured plane onto a baseball field.
SUPERMAN RETURNS short comings all result from one character...Superman himself. His talents, his powers are unbelievable, and I'm not using unbelievable in a good sense. Superman is perfect. I hate perfect heroes. Kryptonite, and inanimate object is his only true nemesis. Lux Luthor...? Superman can handle everything the bald man has to offer.
In one of the most ridiculous scenes I've ever seen in a super-hero movie...Superman actually lifts and carries (while flying) an island...Yes, and island (!) into space! Unbelievable!
I want my super-heroes to bleed. I want my super-heroes to have flaws that villains can take advantage of. Deep down don't we all want the bad guys to win? Spider-Man, Batman, and the X-Men all have flaws and weaknesses...flaws and weaknesses that everyone has. Everyone, but Superman.
I predict there won't be a SUPERMAN RETURNS...AGAIN anytime soon.
The X-Men characters are interesting...No matter if they are heroes or villains. It helps that the main (most popular) X-Men are played by great performers. Hugh Jackman is perfect playing Wolverine. Could anyone else make those animalistic sideburns look so cool? And lets not forget Halle Berry. Any film that requires her to wear a skin-tight rubber suite..'Nough said (for the record...best looking woman is a skin tight rubber suite belongs to Micheele Pffeiffer in BATMAN RETURNS).
X-MEN: THE LAST STAND gets a "7". The end action sequence was a little much. When Magneto used his magnetic power to "lift" the Golden Gate Bridge and connected it to Alcatraz Island...All I could do was shake me head as I made a mental note to subtract "1" point from the film's final score. However, the arm to arm combat between the good and bad mutants after the bridge incident is pretty cool.
Currently, the X-Men franchise is the best super-hero trilogy. Unfortunately the mutants will be upset next summer when the Spider-Man franchise take's over the number one spot.
Now let's discuss SUPERMAN RETURNS. Lets get the grade out of the way...SUPERMAN RETURNS gets a "3". The jet sequence was great and well shot. If you were afraid of flying before seeing the SR, seeing the jet fall to Earth in flames won't help matters. In real life you won't be able to count on a good looking man in red tights with super-human strength fly to your rescue and gently set the injured plane onto a baseball field.
SUPERMAN RETURNS short comings all result from one character...Superman himself. His talents, his powers are unbelievable, and I'm not using unbelievable in a good sense. Superman is perfect. I hate perfect heroes. Kryptonite, and inanimate object is his only true nemesis. Lux Luthor...? Superman can handle everything the bald man has to offer.
In one of the most ridiculous scenes I've ever seen in a super-hero movie...Superman actually lifts and carries (while flying) an island...Yes, and island (!) into space! Unbelievable!
I want my super-heroes to bleed. I want my super-heroes to have flaws that villains can take advantage of. Deep down don't we all want the bad guys to win? Spider-Man, Batman, and the X-Men all have flaws and weaknesses...flaws and weaknesses that everyone has. Everyone, but Superman.
I predict there won't be a SUPERMAN RETURNS...AGAIN anytime soon.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2005
Until a few years ago the Oscar ceremony was held near the end of March. This gave movie fans an extra 3 months to see most of the Oscar caliber films that were released mid November - December 31st. For example, THE WORLD"S FASTEST INDIAN, which was officially released near the end of December is just arriving to Madison's art houses this weekend. Because of this I view each movie year to consist of 15 months. Yes, there are a few months that overlap...But it's my world and I allow you to live in it. This is my blog and I make the rules. It is my duty to wait as long as possible to release my Top 10 list. However, my fans have spoken. Over the past few weeks I've received phone calls, emails, telegrams, and text messages expressing anticipation of the arrival of my annual list. Some of these communications have been from Hollywood insiders trying to convince me to include certain films on my respected list. Rest assured dear fans...I can not be bought or swayed. I will not bow to other's needs to push a political agenda or lifestyle into the main-stream through the much respected art of film making. The films on my list deserve their place and because of this I encourage you to rent or purchase these films on DVD.
I give you the TOP 10 FILMS OF 2005.
1. CRASH: FINALLY...OSCAR GETS IT RIGHT.
Over the years a few of my favorite films of a particular year were nominated for best picture. 2005 marked the first year that the academy gave the award to my favorite film. Finally...Oscar gets it right. CRASH is a great ensemble drama that deals with race and the high strung lives that we all live. Although the concept is simple: People's lives are so busy and hectic that we eventually "crash" into each other...OK...I can make it even simpler. Everybody needs to chill out. We all have bad days and although we live busy hectic lives the least we can do is respect our fellow man...No matter how much liberals piss us off. The film has several great performances. Matt Dillon, nominated for best supporting actor, plays a racist cop who eventually makes a right decision when he doesn't think about what he is doing. In a moment of panic he saves a black woman from a burning car. Sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover. The film also has the most gut wrenching scene of any movie of the past decade. If you've seen CRASH you know which scene I'm speaking of: The locksmith and his daughter. The scene will stay with you days after viewing it. CRASH is the best film of 2005.
2. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN: MORE THAN JUST A ONE JOKE FLICK
Comedies are my least favorite genre of film for one simple reason...They're usually not funny. When I see a comedy that keeps me laughing through out the entire film I view it as a special event. "40" is hilarious. It has a good screenplay that turns a possible one joke movie into a heart warming love story . The movie contains a lot of adult humor. Put the kids to bed before viewing....Their virgin ears are not ready for the raunchy humor featured.
3. SIN CITY: ULTIMATE GUY MOVIE
Visually stunning, with a plethora of graphic violence and nudity. Can't wait for the sequel that is rumored to feature Angelina Jolie. For more info on this flick, check my blog entry from March 2005.
4. IN HER SHOES: CHICK FLICK WITHOUT BEEFCAKE = BOMB
In Her Shoes was a well reviewed film that was a box office bomb. Billed as a chick flick, it lacked audience buzz because the screenplay didn't involve a hot guy. SHOES is an engaging drama about 2 sisters...An ugly duckling and a beautiful swan. Unfortunately, without a hot leading man to satisfy female primal lust...Why would they want to take their husbands/boyfriends to this film?...And why would men want to go to a female drama that was only in theaters for a few weeks? The only way the film would have been more successful is if the the two sisters would have stripped down and had a pillow fight...Several times.
5. KING KONG: BIG BANG FOR YOUR BUCK
A co-worker of mine said it best after schilling out big bucks for a large popcorn, 2 large sodas, and 2 tickets to see KING KONG..."KING KONG was a big bang for my buck!" My co-worker is correct. KONG is 3 hours long and every minute was worth the price of admission. The voyage to Skull Island was awesome. Seeing KONG swing through trees and fighting 3 T-Rex' was stunning. The vision of a depression-era New York was breath-taking. If you didn't see KING KONG in a theater...Shame on you.
6. WAR OF THE WORLDS: SO WHAT IF CRUISE IS CRAZY?
When it comes to Hollywood, there are two things that I don't care about. I don't care to hear about their political beliefs and I especially don't care about their mental stability. Just entertain me, and entertain me often. Having said that, so what if Tom Cruise is off his rocker...Or sofa? WAR OF THE WORLDS is a great film. The ending is a little anti-climatic, but getting to the end was great fun. The film had several memorable human extermination scenes. The terror on screen felt real in the audience. War would have been number 5 on my list but it had Dakota Fanning in it. I wish she would go away...Far away...Or get exterminated by aliens.
7.WEDDING CRASHERS: CELEBRATION OF LAUGHS
Raunchy jokes, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and a crazy nymphomaniac...A great combination. This is the first year that 2 comedies made it on my top 10 list. Maybe the genre isn't dead after all. For more details on this film see my post from summer of 2005.
8. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: HEAVEN ON EARTH
A relatively safe family movie with biblical overtones, NARNIA brought back many memories from my childhood. My fifth grade teacher read the NARNIA books to the class. If a public school teacher tried to do that today, the local ACLU chapter would be all over the situation. In 2005 box office receipts were down 7.9% from the previous year. NARNIA was the third highest grossing movie of the year. If Hollywood made more films like this their profits would soar so high that...They would feel that heaven is a place on Earth. No need to put the kids to bed for NARNIA. Encourage children to see the film and then purchase the books for them. Harry who?
9. MELINDA & MELINDA: FEATURING A FUTURE OSCAR NOMINEE
Prediction: Radha Mitchell, who plays the title character Melinda, will be nominated for an Oscar within the next 3 years. She's a great actress that brings a certain realism to her performances...Not to mention, she's easy on the eyes. Check out Melinda & Melinda if you like original screenplays. Also, Will Ferrell has a great supporting role in the film.
10. CINDERELLA MAN: THE MOST GAY-ISH TITLED MOVIE OF 2005 THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH DE-GENDERED MEN.
I'm always disappointed with myself when I enjoy a movie like CINDERELLA MAN. I hate happy endings. I hate sappy love stories. I hate cute children going hungry during depression era New York (I hate most all films that feature cute children). I hate when the audience that I'm viewing a movie with routinely claps and cheers through out the film because they are inspired by the actions of the protagonist. CINDERELLA MAN had all of the above. However, it did have great boxing sequences, and I must admit I was slightly inspired...But I was inspired quietly.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
UNLEASHED. Best martial arts film of the year. It has heart. It has a brain. It has Morgan Freeman as a blind man.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. I once heard that there are 3 sure fire things in life that are always funny; midgets, monkeys, and monkeys playing with their own feces. CHARLIE only has one of these, but it's still a damn good movie.
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. Put the kids to bed because of the 2 near porn-ish sex scenes. Bloody as hell...The violence, not the sex scenes.
PROOF. Say what you want about Apple's rock-star loving mother, but she is a great actress who deserved an Oscar nomination for her work in this film.
MILLIONS. Ever wanted to know what would happen if Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, The Beach, 28 Days later) made a family film?
COACH CARTER. Shame on me for enjoying this guilty pleasure that is over 2 hours long! Sammy J. Can pull off anything...Anything but a plane full of snakes.
OLD-BOY. If you rent only one Japanese sub-titled movie...Rent this one.
LORD OF WAR. Nick Cage released 2 movies in 2005 and got married. I think he's done this 3 years in a row. LOW was the best of the two.
I give you the TOP 10 FILMS OF 2005.
1. CRASH: FINALLY...OSCAR GETS IT RIGHT.
Over the years a few of my favorite films of a particular year were nominated for best picture. 2005 marked the first year that the academy gave the award to my favorite film. Finally...Oscar gets it right. CRASH is a great ensemble drama that deals with race and the high strung lives that we all live. Although the concept is simple: People's lives are so busy and hectic that we eventually "crash" into each other...OK...I can make it even simpler. Everybody needs to chill out. We all have bad days and although we live busy hectic lives the least we can do is respect our fellow man...No matter how much liberals piss us off. The film has several great performances. Matt Dillon, nominated for best supporting actor, plays a racist cop who eventually makes a right decision when he doesn't think about what he is doing. In a moment of panic he saves a black woman from a burning car. Sometimes you can't judge a book by its cover. The film also has the most gut wrenching scene of any movie of the past decade. If you've seen CRASH you know which scene I'm speaking of: The locksmith and his daughter. The scene will stay with you days after viewing it. CRASH is the best film of 2005.
2. THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN: MORE THAN JUST A ONE JOKE FLICK
Comedies are my least favorite genre of film for one simple reason...They're usually not funny. When I see a comedy that keeps me laughing through out the entire film I view it as a special event. "40" is hilarious. It has a good screenplay that turns a possible one joke movie into a heart warming love story . The movie contains a lot of adult humor. Put the kids to bed before viewing....Their virgin ears are not ready for the raunchy humor featured.
3. SIN CITY: ULTIMATE GUY MOVIE
Visually stunning, with a plethora of graphic violence and nudity. Can't wait for the sequel that is rumored to feature Angelina Jolie. For more info on this flick, check my blog entry from March 2005.
4. IN HER SHOES: CHICK FLICK WITHOUT BEEFCAKE = BOMB
In Her Shoes was a well reviewed film that was a box office bomb. Billed as a chick flick, it lacked audience buzz because the screenplay didn't involve a hot guy. SHOES is an engaging drama about 2 sisters...An ugly duckling and a beautiful swan. Unfortunately, without a hot leading man to satisfy female primal lust...Why would they want to take their husbands/boyfriends to this film?...And why would men want to go to a female drama that was only in theaters for a few weeks? The only way the film would have been more successful is if the the two sisters would have stripped down and had a pillow fight...Several times.
5. KING KONG: BIG BANG FOR YOUR BUCK
A co-worker of mine said it best after schilling out big bucks for a large popcorn, 2 large sodas, and 2 tickets to see KING KONG..."KING KONG was a big bang for my buck!" My co-worker is correct. KONG is 3 hours long and every minute was worth the price of admission. The voyage to Skull Island was awesome. Seeing KONG swing through trees and fighting 3 T-Rex' was stunning. The vision of a depression-era New York was breath-taking. If you didn't see KING KONG in a theater...Shame on you.
6. WAR OF THE WORLDS: SO WHAT IF CRUISE IS CRAZY?
When it comes to Hollywood, there are two things that I don't care about. I don't care to hear about their political beliefs and I especially don't care about their mental stability. Just entertain me, and entertain me often. Having said that, so what if Tom Cruise is off his rocker...Or sofa? WAR OF THE WORLDS is a great film. The ending is a little anti-climatic, but getting to the end was great fun. The film had several memorable human extermination scenes. The terror on screen felt real in the audience. War would have been number 5 on my list but it had Dakota Fanning in it. I wish she would go away...Far away...Or get exterminated by aliens.
7.WEDDING CRASHERS: CELEBRATION OF LAUGHS
Raunchy jokes, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and a crazy nymphomaniac...A great combination. This is the first year that 2 comedies made it on my top 10 list. Maybe the genre isn't dead after all. For more details on this film see my post from summer of 2005.
8. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: HEAVEN ON EARTH
A relatively safe family movie with biblical overtones, NARNIA brought back many memories from my childhood. My fifth grade teacher read the NARNIA books to the class. If a public school teacher tried to do that today, the local ACLU chapter would be all over the situation. In 2005 box office receipts were down 7.9% from the previous year. NARNIA was the third highest grossing movie of the year. If Hollywood made more films like this their profits would soar so high that...They would feel that heaven is a place on Earth. No need to put the kids to bed for NARNIA. Encourage children to see the film and then purchase the books for them. Harry who?
9. MELINDA & MELINDA: FEATURING A FUTURE OSCAR NOMINEE
Prediction: Radha Mitchell, who plays the title character Melinda, will be nominated for an Oscar within the next 3 years. She's a great actress that brings a certain realism to her performances...Not to mention, she's easy on the eyes. Check out Melinda & Melinda if you like original screenplays. Also, Will Ferrell has a great supporting role in the film.
10. CINDERELLA MAN: THE MOST GAY-ISH TITLED MOVIE OF 2005 THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH DE-GENDERED MEN.
I'm always disappointed with myself when I enjoy a movie like CINDERELLA MAN. I hate happy endings. I hate sappy love stories. I hate cute children going hungry during depression era New York (I hate most all films that feature cute children). I hate when the audience that I'm viewing a movie with routinely claps and cheers through out the film because they are inspired by the actions of the protagonist. CINDERELLA MAN had all of the above. However, it did have great boxing sequences, and I must admit I was slightly inspired...But I was inspired quietly.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
UNLEASHED. Best martial arts film of the year. It has heart. It has a brain. It has Morgan Freeman as a blind man.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. I once heard that there are 3 sure fire things in life that are always funny; midgets, monkeys, and monkeys playing with their own feces. CHARLIE only has one of these, but it's still a damn good movie.
HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. Put the kids to bed because of the 2 near porn-ish sex scenes. Bloody as hell...The violence, not the sex scenes.
PROOF. Say what you want about Apple's rock-star loving mother, but she is a great actress who deserved an Oscar nomination for her work in this film.
MILLIONS. Ever wanted to know what would happen if Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, The Beach, 28 Days later) made a family film?
COACH CARTER. Shame on me for enjoying this guilty pleasure that is over 2 hours long! Sammy J. Can pull off anything...Anything but a plane full of snakes.
OLD-BOY. If you rent only one Japanese sub-titled movie...Rent this one.
LORD OF WAR. Nick Cage released 2 movies in 2005 and got married. I think he's done this 3 years in a row. LOW was the best of the two.
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