Sorry for the delay folks. Summer took me away from the movie business much like it did last year. I started this post in December and just recently finished. Hopefully you didn't waste too much money on these stinkers at your neighborhood rental facility. FYI...2006 is on its way to being the worst movie year ever. To date I have graded only 1 film an "8" or higher.
Wishing you little ice in your large drink, extra butter on your popcorn, and a cheap movie ticket...I give you the 10 worst films of 2005.
1. THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY is filled with eccentric characters, tons of special effects, and crazy looking monsters/aliens. Unfortunately the eccentric characters are uneven and boring, the special effects are exercises in futility, and the monsters/aliens are unimaginative. Based on the popular book of the same name, the movie introduces us to Arthur Dent played by Martin Freeman. Arthur is one of the last survivors of Earth after the planet is destroyed to make room for some kind of "space highway", Yeah...Whatever! Arthur travels across the galaxy for reasons that I didn't understand. Along the way he finds himself in several little adventures and somehow meets a god-like figure who recreates Earth. The most disappointing aspect of GALAXY is the waste of good talent. The film features 3 great performers: Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, & Mos Def. Bottom line: THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY is the worst sci-fi flick I've ever seen...Stay away from this movie. If you want to watch a great sci-fi flick, rent STARSHIP TROOPERS on DVD.
2. BEWITCHED: Nicole, Nicole, Nicole...Stop it! You're killing me with your poor choice of movies! I didn't think it was possible for Nicole Kidman to be on my worst movie list two years in a row (2004 THE STEPFORD WIVES). I was wrong. Above, I mentioned wasted talent. BEWITCHED is another good example of this. Kidman is a great actress. Her performance in TO DIE FOR is one of my all time favorites of a female. And what about Will Ferrell? He's a bit over-rated at this point however, he did redeem himself a bit in 2005...He made it on to my top ten best films list of 2005 for MELINDA & MELINDA.
3. ELEKTRA: I thought she was dead? One could only hope for such miracles. What is the purpose of Elektra's super-hero costume? If super-hero costumes are supposed to conceal one's identity, Elektra's costume achieves the exact opposite. Only Elektra can save the day and perform on a brass pole at your local gentlemans club without changing cloths. A horrible movie.
4. THE WEDDING DATE: DEBRA MESSING...DON"T QUIT YOUR THURSDAY EVENING JOB.
SL "Hello Debra...I'm Shelly Long...How are you?"
DM "I'm fine Shelly...And you?"
SL "I'm Great! Ever since leaving Cheers my life has had one success after another".
DM "I'm so looking forward to many Hollywood successes after WILL & GRACE finishes up this season. I feel I'm too talented to waste any more time on Thursday must see TV."
SL "I felt the same Debra. My advice to you is...GO FOR IT and never look back."
DM "What projects are you working on currently?"
SL "I'm working set decoration on the Mudville Community Theater's production of Humpty Dumpty...If you're in town next Thursday night...I'll leave a ticket for you at the box office."
5. XXX: STATE OF THE UNION...ICE-CUBES WATER DOWN GOOD DRINKS
I'm one of the few people who enjoyed the original XXX. Its critics thought Deisel was a stiff whose acting abilities were just short of being able to cut the mustard of sheep #3 in an elementary school production of Mary Had a Little Lamb. Although Deisel's career has run out of gas as of late XXX was the kind of film that didn't require great acting skill in the lead part. Films like XXX needs lots of action and cool stunts. XXX supplied this. I gave it a 7. Its sequel, STATE OF THE UNION was pathetic. Ice Cube can easily play a barber and a boy in the hood ( a self portrayal), but he doesn't have the style or the look to garner a following as an action star. Pube's...opps...Cube's performance is watered downed. He simply went through the motions without the emotions. The action sequences were so fake one could tell they were animated or computerized.
6. ALONE IN THE DARK: STEPHEN DORFF = BOMB
When was the last time Stephen Dorff was in a good film? Remember Cold Creek Manor?...Deuces Wild?...Fear dot com? Dorff is a box office kiss of death. Hiring Dorff to be in a movie would be like hiring Norman Bates to manage your Bed & Breakfast after the Bates Motel incident. Dorff and Bates are bad hires.
7. MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED & FABULOUS
The first installment has been a guilty pleasure of mine over the past few years, but I hated this sequel. Luckily, Sandra Bullock was in Crash so 2005 wasn't a complete bust.
8. THE RING 2: Making Up the Rules As They Go
See post from Spring of 2005
9. CURSED: SHOW US THE GOODS!
Remember in the 80s when horror movies featured unknown actresses willing to get naked on screen before getting killed off? I miss those days. On second thought...Do I want to see Christina Ricci naked?
10. FUN WITH DICK AND JANE...NO FUN AT ALL
This film is void of laughs, grins, and any type of amusement. FWDJ is Jim Carrey's worst movie to date.
